Thursday Thirteen

Thursday Thirteen: Things I have learned about Pulmonary Embolisms

Here is a great site that really explains what PEs are: http://www.webmd.com/lung/tc/pulmonary-embolism-topic-overview

1. The pain is like no other pain I have felt. Any time I have pain of some sort I always say, "This is the worst pain I have ever been in." This time I meant it. And I have had three children, appendicitis, and gall bladder attacks.

2. I will learn to do things I never thought I'd ever have to do - for example, give myself injections in my stomach. Thankfully today is the last day that I will have to do that.

3. I will endure some really gross moments, like the first ten minutes every morning when I cough up blood.

4. I will have some sort of survivor's guilt in knowing that my kids' teacher passed away from this at the same time I survived it. It's not fair. It really isn't.

5. I will be poked more times in a few days than in the rest of my life put together. Between blood draws, IVs, and injections, I estimate that I have been poked about 30 times in the last five days.

6. I will quickly get over caring what people think about my home or how I am dressed. All that matters is that people care about me and come to see me and help me.

7. I will have to make some huge changes that will change the rest of my life. I will always be at higher risk for blood clots now so I have to take precautions. This means no more birth control pills, no smoking (not that I have really done that in the last five years anyway), no alcohol (this is my decision - if I need to be healthy, alcohol is not the way to go - besides, with the drugs I am on, alcohol is probably not a wise idea), and really taking care to eat healthy and stay away from junk.

8. I will become attached to certain nurses and cry when their shift ends. I will also profess my love for them.

9. I will spend a great amount of time staring at nothing in particular because I am so doped up that I can't do anything else. I will also say things several times or not at all because I am not sure if I am saying things out loud or not.

10. I will come to terms with the fact that I nearly died. I will figure out what is important in my life and what is not and the things that are not important are really, really not important.

11. I will make a point to let the people in my life know how much I care for them and how much I appreciate everything they do. There may not be another chance to tell them. So, just to warn you, I may be extra sentimental over the next while, but I suppose that's better than being extra b*tchy.

12. I will realize that I am never alone and that I am loved. I will have the most amazing friends and family anyone could ask for and they will rally around me and pray for me and feed me and love me and take care of me and my family. I have something better than a "best friend" - I have amazing friends - more than one. I have people that will put their lives on hold to make sure my life is taken care of. I have never felt this kind of encouragement, support, and love in my entire life. I only hope that if the situation were reversed that I could be even half as awesome as the people who are taking care of me.

13. I will be humbled. I will have to let go of control and let God take over. I am not an overly religious person but I do find great comfort in having faith and hope in something Greater.