Thursday, October 1, 2009


It is almost four am and already I have gotten more sleep than the night before. It's beautiful. I'm just up pumping. I pumped ten ounces, which is a lot these days. That's what happens when I'm able to actually get some sleep! Thank God for pumped milk and a wonderful husband, otherwise I'd probably still be running on fumes.

My Baby Girl is one month old today. She is beautiful, sweet, and already has so much personality. She is so different from The Boy, but the two of them are just amazing.

I have to go back to bed otherwise I might miss out on more sleep. Today will be a better day.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Today was not a good day.

Well, yesterday wasn't much better. Baby Girl is in yet another growth spurt and this has been the growth spurt from hell. During the day, both yesterday and today, she hasn't slept for more than 45 minutes at a time and probably averages ten minutes for most naps. I'm sure she'd sleep longer if I held her the entire time, but seeings how I have to take care of The Boy too, it just doesn't work out that way.

She is also eating non-stop. My poor boobies cannot keep up. She will nurse me dry on both sides and then drink another ounce or two from a bottle and be hungry thirty minutes later. This is no joke. My boobies really aren't satisfying her these days and I have a feeling we'll end up where we did with The Boy when he was a month old - supplementing with formula because I couldn't keep up with him. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with formula feeding. I was just really hoping to avoid having to use it so quickly because it's so expensive. I'm trying to push through this with nursing as much as possible and pumping to keep my supply up, but I'm really feeling like a failure because I cannot get her to be full for longer than an hour and I can't get her to sleep for more than forty-five minutes. She won't even sleep on her tummy in the pnp anymore, something she had done so beautifully up until a couple days ago. She would do two two hours naps in the pnp every day for me and just hasn't for a few days now.

As we speak, she just woke up from a thirty minute snooze. I'm just going to go straight for the bottle this time because I'd like to see how much she is actually taking in at a feeding. And some people questioned why I pumped...well, here's your answer - Growth Spurts. And time off for my over-worked boobies.

How many times have I mentioned my boobies so far? Not enough.


That should suffice.

Anyway, back to my craptacular couple of days. Baby Girl, The Husband, and I were literally up with her all night. I did not get to sleep until 4am and it was pretty crappy sleep at that since I have had to sleep in the recliner to get her to sleep for any length of time. She will not sleep on her back. She will not sleep swaddled. She will not sleep unless she is held and I am not a huge fan of co-sleeping in bed because, if you have met either me or The Husband, we are messy sleepers and The Husband is a very sound sleeper, in more ways than one! I do not trust us to sleep with her in the bed with us. In the recliner I have a system down and I can feel every little move she makes, which is why she sleeps beautifully and I sleep craptastically.

So, there is no red underline beneath craptastically. Is it a word?

Well, after a night of very little sleep, I figured Baby Girl would sleep better today but NOPE. She and The Boy both decided they were just way too cool to sleep and twice today, The Husband has come home to give me a break. I cried all last night. I cried all day today. I am exhausted and I feel like a big fat frickin' failure as a parent. I have yelled [read: screamed] at Timmy for no reason today. I have thrown things. Today was not very pretty.

I am not doing well and could really use some prayers. Please. I can't do this anymore. I am at the very end of my very thin rope and at some point this rope is going to break and my kids will be the victims. Someone is going to have to get the help for me because I am too exhausted to do it myself.

Monday, September 28, 2009


Originally uploaded by kittenhead66
Guilt plays an important part of our lives. More often than not, I find myself feeling guilty over the things I do, whether I should feel guilty about them or not. Growing up I was taught that pretty much anything and everything is a sin and while some people find this pretty extreme, this was my childhood.

There were so many things I was not allowed to do. I wasn't allowed to watch [much] TV, read [most] books, listen to [most] music, and most especially visit my dad unless it was on his court appointed days. When I was in middle school, my mom was present with a video called "Be On Guard" and it was about all of the books, toys, TV, and music that were full of sin and should be avoided at all costs. Among the list was He-Man, Cabbage Patch Dolls, and the Smurfs.

It was during middle school that I loved the book series The Babysitters Club. Ironically, this was a series that I wasn't allowed to read so I had to get the books from the library and hide them in my room, much like one of the main characters in the series would hide Nancy Drew novels in her room. This was my existence. I loved reading these books and some would say it was my guilty pleasure - again with the word "guilt."

I think this carried over into my adult life. I feel guilty over every little thing I do. The most one-on-one time I spent with The Boy today was when I gave him his bath. I feel guilty because I couldn't read to him and I couldn't snuggle with him even when he desperately tried to climb into my lap several times today but I had to push him away because I was feeding his sister. More than once he brought me a pile of books to read with him, but I couldn't because I was, as always, feeding his sister. I feel so guilty that I'm already ruining my relationship with my son and I know these feelings are justified, yet silly.

I feel guilty right now because I'm taking ten minutes to myself while Baby Girl fusses in her PNP. I need these few minutes because she has not slept since 4:15pm and it is now 9:15pm. Somehow a four week old baby goes five hours awake and still manages to wake up every hour to eat during the night.

I hate guilt and it's something I need to get out of my life. I am doing the best I can right now but I feel like my best just isn't enough. My little boy is suffering because I have to share his time with another person. My little girl is suffering because I have to share my time with another person. There is just not enough of me to go around.

And now I feel really, really guilty because I ended the last sentence with a preposition.

Friday, September 18, 2009

It's been awhile!

On September 1, 2009, Baby Girl was born right on her due date (by 7 minutes). She is just beautiful and things here are going pretty well overall. Big Brother is adjusting alright, but he sure does have his moments! He dotes on her though, giving her lots of hugs and smoochies. I'd love to update more, but I can hear The Boy up and playing in his crib so I better go get the stinker up from his nap.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Thirty-Nine Weeks

Supposedly one one week to go. More than likely it'll be closer to two weeks to go though. I had my 39 week appt this morning and Baby Girl is measuring at 37 weeks, her hb was around 140, and I didn't gain or lose any weight. Dr. K is really such a great ob compared compared to Dr. Uh-oh. She actually stepped out of the room when I undressed to be checked. Sadly, there has been absolutely no progress made since my 36 week appt. I am still only 1cm dilated and not effaced at all. I know this really doesn't mean a whole lot since she'll come when she wants to. Some ladies sit dilated to a 3 for weeks and others can go into labor and not be dilated at all.

Anxiety has gotten a bit better the last couple days. This has helped with my patience. I also got my sleepy-time pills refilled and slept much better last night. This also helps with my patience. Dr. K doesn't want me to go past 41 weeks, so knowing that most likely I have at the most two weeks left helps me be patient. It's nice knowing there is a light at the end of a very long tunnel.

I don't know how elephants do it.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

My Other Love

Wow, an entry that doesn't pertain to The Boy, Baby Girl, The Husband, or pregnancy. This is dedicated to my other love.


I've been trying to come up with my list of top ten bands/artists. I've been really thinking about it and there are certain requirements that allow a band into my top ten: did I have a random obsession with this band, do I know a lot about this band, do I own at least three albums by this band, do I know most of their songs, and do they make me giddy with delight when I hear them at random times?

Then I had to decide the order based on these certain requirements. I also feel that a person's taste in music says a lot about them. According to my taste in music I am a very jumbled and confused person. Makes sense. Yes, you can all make fun of me but I dare you to challenge me on my love for these people.

10) Electric Light Orchestra. ELO. What can one say about ELO that would do them justice? Their songs are so original and what's great is that not one song sounds like another, yet when you hear a song by ELO you know it's ELO. I once used the song Evil Woman as my mom's ring tone. I'm pretty sure she'd cry if she knew that. This is the most fun band ever.

9) Hall & Oates. Yes, I can hear you snickering but gosh one great song after another with them, and they didn't just stop at their own music. They wrote songs for so many other people. So much fun. They are terrible actors though. But gosh, their hair was the best. And no one had a sexier moustache than Oates.

8) Supertramp. Seriously. Love. This. Band. I only have two albums. I haven't heard a lot of their songs, but this band falls into the category of giddiness when heard. I once had a blog named Supertramp. Love Supertramp.

7) Led Zeppelin. I can't think of one bad thing to say about Led Zeppelin. They have some of the most beautiful lyrics ever written. If you take the time to actually listen to them, they are very poetic at times. Baby baby baby baby oh baby. Great musicians and a voice that is distinct. Doesn't get much better. There is so much more to this band than Stairway to Heaven.

6) Dave Matthews Band. I'll be honest, I haven't stayed current with DMB in the last few years because they went from putting out amazing albums to average albums and then there was the whole taking a dump on Chicago incident. But, this is a band that played a very important part in my life from 1995 to 2000. This was my band. When I was in high school, none of my friends liked DMB (obviously didn't know good music if it came up and bit them in the butt) but my brothers did and we used to sit around and play Monopoly or Rummy and listen to Crash. Then I worked at Chili's for awhile and my closest friends there were also huge Dave fans so it was easy to keep up on his music then.

5) Pink Floyd. Let's face it; there isn't another band that I have an entire day set aside each year to celebrate. I am really looking forward to PF Day 2009 when I can sit back, watch The Wall, and enjoy a bloody mary. I just need an evening when The Husband, The Boy, and Baby Girl are all gone because PF Day is meant to be just me and PF and no one else. Or else I'll have to move the DVD player up to the bedroom and keep everyone out...except Wriley. The Dog is allowed to celebrate with me.

4) Alison Krauss [and Union Station]. I always find myself coming back to AKUS. She is incredible. The whole band is incredible. They seem to have a song to fit anything I am feeling and bluegrass is just so much fun and enjoyable and makes me want to run around naked in a feel of wheat.

3) Porcupine Tree. Along with Bela Fleck, I have seen this band [in concert] more than any other band. Who are PT, you ask? You should look them up, listen to In Absentia, and never look back. I was hooked from the first moment I heard Blackest Eyes. Steven Wilson (and all members) is an amazing musician and song-writer. I am honestly thankful that PT has not found fame the way other bands have because it makes them more accessible to their fans. This band helped me learn about other bands out there and find a whole new world of music to enjoy.

2) Abba. God Bless Abba. Phenomenal voices, phenomenal song-writing skills, phenomenal band. I "discovered" Abba my senior year of high school and managed to find old records of theirs and spent most of my time memorizing their songs and actually attempting to learn Swedish. Plus, Benny's hot. Teehee.

1) The Beatles. Sounds pretty generic, I suppose, but anyone who knows me knows that my love for The Beatles goes beyond the norm. I have read books, own many albums, and have been obsessed with The Beatles since I was 15. True fans of The Beatles know that George was the real musician of the band and that Ringo, despite his mediocre drumming style, was the glue in the end. They also know that John was on brilliant yet truly messed up individual and Paul was and is a sell-out. Okay, I know these are really my own opinions and you can completely disagree with me and that's fine. I also think people need to leave Yoko alone. She did not break up The Beatles; The Beatles were looking for any excuse to break up and go their own way and Yoko worked out to be a pretty good scape goat. Yoko may have the worst voice in the entire world, but she is full of love and is a pretty rad artist, in my opinion.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Thirty-Eight Weeks

She can come any time.

I don't think I've progressed really at all since I was checked at thirty-six weeks, but anything can happen. I'm sick of hearing about how things happen with second pregnancies vs. the first because really, she's going to come when she is good and ready...which will probably be some time in October.

I've been having some issues with anxiety for the last week. I will sometimes feel like I've had ten cups of coffee but really I've had none. I get really jittery, my jaw aches and is really tense, I can hardly breathe, and my heart races. The doc I saw yesterday wasn't too concerned right now, but wants me to keep an eye on things and if they don't get better after she is born then we'll talk about medication. I worry more about PPD, but I didn't have much more than just the baby blues with The Boy, so hopefully that won't be a problem this time either.

I took The Boy to Build-A-Bear today to celebrate Big Brother Celebration Day. He picked out a dog that I named Jack and he loves him! I also got him a stroller to push Jack around and he is obsessed with it. I knew a stroller would be a big hit because The Boy is obsessed with his own stroller. I also got new shoes for him because his feet are huge and he has outgrown his other shoes. He is now a size six! SIX! Big foot!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Lord, Beer Me Strength

I am so anxious. Yesterday I was anxious. Today I am anxious. In my head I have a list of things I need to do before Baby Girl arrives, but it's really too soon to do some of these things. I need to wash up the floor gyms, stroller pads, bouncer and swing pads, baby bottles, breast pump supplies, etc. But once I wash them I have nowhere to put them for the time being except right where I got them from, in the basement, and then I'd have to wash them again.

The Boy has been obnoxiously cuddly the last couple days. He has been willingly sitting on my lap for upwards of thirty minutes...without books! He's just been cuddling and talking to me and snuggling his buddies (right now Radish, his little Beanie Baby, is his favorite). Tomorrow he is going to be seventeen months old. He is like a little five-year-old stuffed into a seventeen month old's body. Everyday he is saying new words, words we haven't tried to teach him, and he is retaining information like you wouldn't believe.

Some of his more funny moments are when he yells, "Hey!" or "Hey! You!" He also referred to "upstairs" as "upsteps" yesterday. That was adorable. He will count to three if I start off with one. It sounds like "doh....DAH!" Three is always yelled. It's a very important number. He still loves saying doctor, uh-oh, hi, hide, and eyes. Eyes is appropriately accompanied by a swift poke into one's eye.

He is going to be an amazing big brother. I just hope he isn't assuming that Baby Sister is going to either a) come out of my boob or b) be a giant lizard. Right now if I ask him where Baby Sister is he either points to my lizard tattoo or my boob. He's slightly confused.

Today is our third anniversary. I really want to go have dinner at San Chez, but I don't want to bring The Boy along. Some dinners out with him are easy, but most are a bit frustrating. I'd like to have a nice date night before Baby Girl arrives because once she is here, our date nights will be even more sparse than they are now.

Husband, if you read this, I love you!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Thirty-Seven Weeks

I don't think I was this anxious towards the end last time I was pregnant. I'm considered full term now and would love to have her by the end of the day, but there are a lot of reasons why I also don't want to have her until her due date.

1. My sister is in Tennessee and I'd really like her to be at the delivery.
2. The doctor I'd like to deliver her is going to be on vacation next week.
3. I want to spend as much one-on-one time with The Boy as possible before I have to share my time.
4. The Husband has a very busy week of work next week.
5. My nursing tank hasn't arrived yet and I want it for in the hospital. It's on back order so it'll be a race to see which arrives first - the baby or the shirt.
6. Forty weeks is probably better than thirty-seven weeks.
7. I still haven't washed up sheets, bouncer stuff, etc or set up a place for her to sleep.
8. I like my sleep.

Those are pretty good reasons to be patient and not be so antsy to have this baby.

Last week at my appointment I was dilated to a one and my cervix hadn't begun to thin out yet. I didn't get checked this week for which I am grateful. My lady bits still hurt from the exam last week. Today Baby Girl's hb was about 150 and sounded very swishy and wet and different. Somehow she is sitting very much right on top of my bladder yet her butt is crammed up into my ribs. I am very compact. I am measuring two weeks behind still, no biggie. I do not expect to have her until I am at least thirty-nine weeks, and for reasons already mentioned, I suppose I am grateful.

I have been crampy and contracty for a week now, but nothing is regular or getting more intense, so I doubt there is a whole lot happening in the progress department anyway.

I've been spoiling The Boy on our last few weeks just the two of us. Yummy snacks and treats, lots of book reading and chase games. This boy is my life and I am worried what will happen to our relationship when Baby Girl arrives. I sure am going to miss him when I'm in the hospital!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Thirty-Six Weeks

Yesterday I turned thirty-six weeks. Four weeks left. Maybe less. I hope less. At my appointment I was dilated to a one. It was also the last time I'd be seeing Dr. Uh-Oh, as The Boy calls her. I am very excited because now I get to see Dr. Wonka, the man who delivered The Boy. He was fantastic!

I've been very crampy, lots of contractions on and off for several days now. I've also been having the poos, which was a sure sign that I was going to be going into labor with The Boy. We'll see when Baby Girl decides to make her grand entrance, I'm hoping it won't be forty weeks. The only thing that makes me want her to wait that long is the prospect of having two due date babies.

I'm feeling very anxious, nervous, and nostalgic these last few days. I've been listening to some of my favorite bands with The Boy and remembering some of the times when I started listening to those bands - before I had kids. Part of me really misses that freedom, but then I realize I'm so close to bringing Baby Girl into the world and I wouldn't have it any other way.

The Boy is waiting for me to feed him some Maple and Brown Sugar Cream of Wheat, so I best be going.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Thirty-Five Weeks

Today I am thirty-five weeks pregnant with this sweet little girl. For about a month I have been having a mix of Braxton Hicks contractions along with some more intense contractions. The more intense contractions have really picked up over the last week, but still not enough to make me even remotely think that anything is going to happen soon. I'm more uncomfortable than anything, but that's to be expected at this point. I'm still having troubles sleeping at night, but not every night. Some nights I take an Ambien before bed and sleep beautifully and other nights I don't and I toss and turn, but I don't want to take Ambien every night and become dependent upon it.

My heart is still heavy for my friend's son. He had a biopsy yesterday on the Wilms' Tumor and they are hopeful to get the results back this afternoon and to learn more about what is happening inside his little body. They've been told so many different things since this first started last week and I'm praying they'll be able to know better what's going on now and will know which direction to take. It looks like chemo is the next step. That poor little boy's body is being put through the wringer and he and his family need a lot of prayer! Thankfully they have a wonderful support system of friends and family and it sounds like he's in a good hospital that is doing their best to take care of all of their needs.

Yesterday I picked up a double stroller from a lady on Craigslist. It's not the prettiest stroller, but it's in decent shape and will do the job! All I have left on the list of things we need are a breast pump and either a crib or a toddler bed. Not the cheapest things, but it's better than the first time around when we had nothing!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Prayers Needed

To me, my online friends are just as important as my "IRL" friends, so when one of them is going through something traumatic it hits me just as much as it would if it were my neighbor. I have a great online friend with a son who is one day younger than The Boy. Just a couple days ago her world completely flipped when she was told that her son possibly had cancer. After several different tests, they found out that her son has a football-sized tumor on his kidney known as a Wilms' Tumor - a rare form of cancer found mostly in children. Thankfully, the cancer has not spread but this poor boy is struggling with high blood pressure and there may be complications in having surgery to remove the tumor and kidney due to his placement of blood vessels in the kidney.

This little boy is a fun-loving, energetic, sweet boy who really needs your prayers. His entire family could use your prayers. Please and thank you.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Fluffy Talk

Right now it seems cloth diapering has become "all the rage" online and off. I've been cloth diapering The Boy for over a year now and while at times I find myself becoming lazy and wanting to just switch back completely to sposies, I realize how much time, effort, and money we've put into making our child's bottom fluffy.

I've been really experimenting with the types of diapers and covers that work best for The Boy and have also been building up a nice newborn and small stash for Baby Girl. I've come to the conclusion that after I get this last batch in the mail (from a trade from a friend online) I will not need to buy either child cloth diapers for a long time and that is a relief! As much fun as it is to shop for fluff, being at stash nirvana is a blessing.

The Boy's stash is made up of mostly fitted diapers and a few pockets. My favorite diapers are his Cuddlebuns fitteds and his WoolDins fitted and bamboo prefold. They are soft, absorbent, and super cute! In fact, his WoolDins fitted is so thick I think he could easily go coverless in it, something we've never been able to do because he is such a heavy wetter.

For long naps and overnights we use Bum Genius 3.0 one-size pocket diapers and I have never had a major issue with these! Yes, we have had our share of random leaks but I find that they happen when it's approaching time for a good diaper-stripping. We have been able to go upwards of fourteen hours at night with a BG3.0 and have not had a leak. We do have to majorly stuff these and they become so bulky that he wears a lot of 18mo and 2T size jammies to fit over them, but who cares? He's going to be sleeping anyway. It's not like he's off to model his sweet tushie online.

Or is he? Yes, that is my son's fluffy-butt modeling his iced giraffes fitted diaper!

As for Baby Girl's stash, hers is mostly made up of prefolds along with a few pocket diapers and fitteds. I love using prefolds and they are so cost-effective, being the most affordable. On average, you can buy a dozen prefold diapers for around $20-$25 whereas it can cost nearly that much just to buy one fitted diaper.

Today I am trying something entirely new - receiving blankets as flat diapers! The fold took a little bit for me to get down, but I've got it pretty mastered now and The Boy is wearing one for the first time ever at this very moment. I'm really hoping this works out because if it has, I have just added something like fifteen "new diapers" to his stash!

The biggest drawback to cloth diapering that I have found is the amount of water used to wash his diapers. Honestly, it only adds an average of three extra loads a week, but once Baby Girl arrives it will probably be more like five loads. Our weather lately has been so inconsistent that I haven't been able to hang his fluff on the line as much as I'd like to and I guess I could be better about getting out there to hang it up or use my clothes bars. That would definitely save on dryer time and electricity. I actually do enjoy fluff wash. I love folding and organizing his stash each time. For regular fluff wash I use a detergent that is locally made and sold called Sunday's Wash and it is about $8 for 32 loads, but it works wonders and is so gentle on The Boy's bum!

Other products I use are Punkin Booty Bits for his wipe solution. The Boy gets a huge kick out of when I spray it on the wash cloth and on his bottom. It never fails to make him giggle! They have so many wonderful scents and are so affordable! For The Boy's wool I use Ewe Need It wool wash. It comes in many of the same scents as the PBB and works wonderfully on all of his wool!

I guess I could go on and on about fluff itself but haven't actually discussed why I chose to cloth diaper. Many reasons come to mind - less sposies in landfills, saving money, and it's fun! It's a great ice-breaker as well. I have come across some people that are a bit obnoxious when talking about cloth diapering. I am very passionate about cloth diapering, but I am not preachy. I fully admit that I do not know everything about cloth diapering. In fact, there is so much I have to learn yet about the many facets of this "hobby." If anyone is interested in cloth diapering, though, I am always happy to answer any questions!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Thirty-Four Weeks

Today I am 34 weeks pregnant. Six weeks left until my due date. A lot has been going on with me in the last few weeks, more mentally than physically. First off, The Boy was driving me absolutely nuts last week! He is going through a very defiant stage that seems to also coincide with a very clingy stage. He has learned the art of the temper tantrum and will throw one for no reason. It honestly doesn't bother me most of the time. I know to just let him do his thing and ignore him and that works. It's more the noise of him throwing the fit that gets me. He has never thrown a tantrum outside of the house so far, so at least I haven't had to deal with public humiliation yet.

I've also been overwhelmed with feelings of hopelessness, like I am a terrible mother and won't be able to handle two children when I can barely handle one. This week I have been making a conscious effort to spend one on one time with The Boy the way he wants to spend it (within reason, of course) and that makes him happy. If he wants to carry the crayon bucket around in his mouth, go for it. If he wants to eat finger paints, go for it. Today he has wanted to sit on my lap all day long and play with his easel. That one I don't mind because it doesn't involve pulling things out of his mouth and chasing him around. Plus I get to snuggle and enjoy a cup of "hot" while he is happy pushing buttons.

I am getting very anxious to meet the little girl inside of me. She moves so much more abruptly and regularly than The Boy did. She actually wakes me up at night. Most of the time I enjoy her wiggles, but sometimes they actually get painful and that's when I realize I'm in for trouble from her when she's born.

As for being 34 weeks, I am excited to be one week closer to her birth. Overall I feel great aside from random anxiety, complete exhaustion, and the inability to move at a pace faster than a slow crawl. I can't bend over to tie my shoes anymore and getting up from a sitting position or a lying position takes a lot of effort. I can't complain though; I feel so much better this time around!

On a completely different subject, somehow my blog had been marked as "spam" or written by a robot. I'm honestly not sure how or why they would think that. I've never known a robot to write so eloquently as me. But it meant that I wasn't able to post an entry and I really needed it last week as I went through a mental break down and several days of random crying jags. Those days are over for now, thankfully. We had a break from The Boy and some adult time this weekend. I'm refreshed and looking forward to the new things I can do with my son while it's just the two of us. I'm actually kind of looking forward to how our relationship is going to change when Baby Girl arrives. I picture us enjoying quiet time together (quiet time? The Boy?) while she sleeps and us sharing private jokes of our days together as he gets older. I have never experienced a relationship like that with my son and things I said I'd never do I've done and things I said I'd never let me kid play with I've considered buying for him. I just love to see him happy and can't wait to watch him grow from the early toddler stages into a little boy. He is so amazing and I am so blessed.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Thirty Weeks

Today I am thirty weeks pregnant. Ten weeks to go! I am still aiming for my due date. The Boy was a due date baby so it would be pretty cool to have two due date babies. I had my thirty week appointment and am measuring two weeks behind again and lost weight. It's very frustrating for me because I am eating but Dr. U keeps bugging me about that and I am getting really sick of the "you're so small" comments. It feels like because I am measuring small that any complaints I may have about how I am feeling or how uncomfortable I get aren't warranted because "I'm barely showing." It is nice being smaller because I will have less weight to lose in the end and most of my regular clothes still fit. But it would be nice to stop getting the comments about being too small. Some people are just small, okay?

Yesterday The Husband skipped work and we took The Boy to Millenium Park to swim at the beach. Our usual water-lover was not so fond of the water! He didn't like to be in the sand at all and would fuss if we weren't right next to him in the water. We took him to the Splash Pad as well and that made him cry. Granted it was for big kids, not toddlers, but at home he loves to have buckets of water dumped on him but there he didn't want anything to do with the water. But he did love being in the swing at the park! Silly Husband's phone went swimming with us though :-)

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Twenty-Nine Weeks

The last week has been filled with crap, no pun intended. The Boy and I have both been pretty sick on and off and, well, I'm sick of it...again, no pun intended. Just when I think I'm starting to feel better something comes along to remind me that I feel like I was hit by a truck.

Baby Girl is a beast in this tummy of mine! She kicks me all the time and seems to always be rolling around. I'm pretty sure she's already nicely head down which is a vast improvement from The Boy since he was head up or sideways or backwards or never in the right position until I delivered, and even then he came out hand first. I have a giant baby butt jammed into my ribs most of the time now which is very uncomfortable for sitting and makes eating not as much fun now. And breathing? I don't think I'll ever be doing that normally again.

I don't mean to complain. I am so happy. I have the most wonderful husband who takes care of me when I'm sick. I have the most wonderful son who makes everything in my life that much better. I have the most wonderful daughter who is constantly reminding me that I am never alone. So many of the pregnant women I have talked to in the last week have been complaining constantly about their looks and their bellies and being fat and I love every minute of this. I guess maybe I had an advantage since I actually lose weight while pregnant, but still - this is the time you're allowed to let yourself go a little and not worry about those few extra pounds. I'm carrying around this little person inside of my tummy - something that is part of me, yet is not part of me. God is amazing in how He forms this little human so perfectly in my body and I don't even have to do the hard work. I just carry her around in my tummy and throw up a few times.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Twenty-Eight Weeks

Today marks the twenty-eighth week of this pregnancy. Right now I'm typing in between giving The Boy bites of Yogurt Melts and strawberry oatmeal. It wasn't that long ago that I was twenty-eight weeks pregnant with him and now he's nearly fifteen months old. After every bite of oatmeal he says, "Num!" and gives me a grin as if to say, "Thank you, Momma, for not feeding me a pile of crap for breakfast."

Sometimes I have to remind myself to enjoy these moments because in twelve weeks The Boy will have to share his time with his sister. While I'm excited and anxious for her to be here, I love my days with my son. We teach each other so many things throughout the day. I teach him silly songs and animal noises; he teaches me to find excitement in the mundane. I discipline him, but he also disciplines me. More than once a day I lose my patience with him and I have to take a deep breath and remember that everything in this world is new to him and he doesn't know any better way to experience life than by jumping in feet first.

Yesterday, The Boy and I did our weekly cleaning at the church. In this particular room, a room for kids age two, there are all sorts of toys that that The Boy loves to chew on and carry around. Almost every week he picks out a toy bottle to carry around in his mouth and immediately finds Scoops from Bob the Builder and pushes him along the floor making "vroom vroom" noises. As I gathered up toys to sanitize and stacked chairs on the table so I could easily vacuum the pretzel crumbs, I realized just how boring it would be to clean the room without The Boy with me.

He holds my hand while we walk to get the vacuum. He holds my hand while I vacuum. He sits on my lap while I wipe down toy food and dishes. What does he do when I organize and clothe the baby dolls? One by one he picks them up, gives them smoochies and hugs, and hands them to me to put on the shelf. It's those moments when I realize that when he's not beating the crap out of his sister he's going to be hugging her and kissing her and teaching her the things I taught him. He's also going to be teaching her the things he learned on his own, like how making Silly Face at the most opportune time can make Momma go from sad to happy in one point three seconds.

I have twelve more weeks to enjoy my days as "just my boy and me" before they become "just my kids and me." Today I'm going to try and figure out what makes the remote control that interesting.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

The Joy of Blogging

Blogging is not what it used to be. When I first started blogging it wasn't quite cool, but within a year anyone and everyone had a blog and it was the "in thing." People would post entries about things they thought other people wanted to read about so they could get more comments and more traffic. I blogged for the sake of writing. Yes, I did enjoy comments and traffic, but mostly I just wanted to write and have an outlet for my thoughts and frustrations.

I made a lot of good blogging friends along the way. I actually met a couple in person and spent an entire weekend camping with one. Then things changed. People started getting bored of blogging because MySpace was suddenly the "in thing." After a year of MySpace, Facebook really started picking up fans along with Twitter. Now it seems like no one blogs anymore except for those few people that blogged for what I believe is the right reason - the joy of writing.

This is my fifth or sixth blog. The rest of my blogs have been deleted. I'm not sure why I keep starting over, but I think it has something to do with growing as a person. At certain points I begin to like who I am and not like who I was and I want to erase the memories of the person I didn't like. I may like who I am now, but I can gaurantee that in a year I'll be a different person and I'll probably erase these entries too.

No one comes to my blog anymore. No one comments. I'm okay with that. I don't blog for you. I blog for me. I've always said that and I've always meant that. The blog friends I met along the way that are worth having a friendship with are in my life in other ways, they don't need to comment on my blog to let me know they are there.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

It's Been Awhile

It has been awhile since I last updated. Honestly, there isn't a lot to update about. I am 26 weeks pregnant today and overall feel pretty good. I've been feeling Baby Girl kick a lot the last few days after a week of lack of kicking. I have to go in sometime in the next couple weeks to have my GD test done. I'm not looking forward to that. When I was pregnant with The Boy it made me feel like I was going to pass out. I've been feeling a lot of round ligament pains and have been plagued by constant BH contrax. Those aren't very enjoyable, but other than that I feel pretty good.

The Boy is getting so big and is so smart! Today he has been imitating words which he hasn't really done before. His Hop on Pop stuffed animal is one of his new favorites that he loves to snuggle with. I've been calling him Hop-Hop and today he has started calling him Op-Op. In one of his books there is a part where you say POP and he's been saying POP for it as well.

The Husband and I enjoyed a very nice Memorial Day weekend. We took The Boy to the beach on Saturday - that was a lot of fun! It wasn't super hot, but it was really nice down at the water. The Boy wasn't so sure of the sand at first, but eventually he was daring enough to walk in it without holding our hands. On Sunday we had church then we went to The Husband's parents for the day. The Boy rode on the lawn mower with Grampa and let Grama push him around on a trike! Yesterday we took The Boy to the zoo for his first time! He really enjoyed the monkeys and any time there was fish.

I'm glad that the weekend is over though so we can start getting back to normal. I'm exhausted and ready to have a week to relax!

Friday, April 17, 2009

Pardon me while I get emotional...

Today I started going through The Boy's clothes. I started with the tote labeled "Maternity Clothes, Girl Clothes, Newborn Boy Clothes." It seemed only appropriate since I'm 20 weeks pregnant, although I'm about the size of a pre-pregnant woman right now. I also wanted to see what girl stuff I had saved. There's not a whole lot, but some of it is so super cute! I can't wait to see Baby Girl all dressed up.

One of the first things I came across was The Boy's coming home outfit. (Side thought for a moment - I just went to flickr to find a picture of his outfit and noticed that I have 3,542 pictures of The Boy. Wow.)

He was so little that even the newborn sized outfit hung off of him and he was able to wear it until he was four months old. It came with a matching hat, bib, and onesie.

One by one I pulled out teeny, tiny onesies and remembered occasions when he had worn them. I can't believe it has been over a year since he was born and my life was changed forever.

Now it's time to pass all of these sweet little clothes on to other little baby boys.

Except for his coming home outfit. That one I'm keeping.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Twenty Week Appointment

I had my twenty week appointment this morning. It was supposed to be my last with my ob because I was going to switch. I do not want her anywhere near me during delivery. Let's just say she isn't the brightest crayon in the box. She's incredibly nice, but she's also incredibly incompetent. I've decided to hold off on switching because, surprise!, she is twenty-three weeks pregnant and will be on maternity leave when I have Baby Girl! That means I might still end up with Dr. L. at delivery! He delivered The Boy and was awesome!

Baby Girl's heartbeat was strong and fast, in the 150s. I haven't felt her kicking as much the last few days, but she still does occasionally so I know she's okay. Dr. U. was on my case about losing weight and I explained to her that weight loss must be common for me during pregnancy because I lost twenty pounds with The Boy and this time I have lost about fifteen pounds. I did end up gaining back the twenty with The Boy, so I assume I'll be gaining everything back this time as well. But if that means I need an extra bowl of ice cream at dinner, so be it. I can sacrifice.

I made Baby Girl a tie-blanket today. I'll be sure to share some pictures later on. I'm also working on making her some tutus. I never saw myself as the tutu-type, but it's been really fun making this first one and they're pretty popular for little girls right now. Well, obviously little girls. If you're putting a tutu on a little boy you have bigger issues than the tutu.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Big Ultrasound

Yesterday morning we had our "big" ultrasound. With The Boy we didn't want to find out the sex, so it wasn't as exciting to go. It was, of course, awesome to see him on the "big screen", but it got pretty boring after awhile. This time we planned on finding out the sex of the baby, so I had been anxious for weeks beforehand.

I was completely convinced that we were having another boy. I didn't have much morning sickness and I just had that gut instinct. My gut instinct was very wrong! We are having a little girl! It took some extra work and time to actually find this out. I had to drink some Coke and eat some Smarties and then walk around for a few minutes. Thankfully Baby Girl uncrossed her legs and we were able to see that hamburger!

I am still in shock but I am so excited. I honestly saw myself as a mother to a bunch of boys and really liked that idea. I don't know what I'm going to do with a girl and the idea of changing a girl diaper freaks me out. I know it will all come naturally when she is here, but for now I'm a bit nervous.

The Boy is going to be a wonderful big brother. He is a very sweet, sensitive, and affectionate boy and I hope that having a boy and a girl so close in age will be a good thing. I was kinda hoping for a boy so they could be best friends, but I am in between brothers and have always been close with them.

I'm almost halfway done cooking Baby Girl. It seems like such a long time yet, but I know it's going to fly by and I won't be ready!

Monday, April 6, 2009

Rant: Grocery Shopping

Grocery shopping is always an experience when you have a toddler with you. Let's start with the shopping carts. They have the seat for the little one, but it's so darn hard to get him into the seat because the flap they sit on automatically pops up and when The Boy already doesn't want you to put him in the seat, it makes for a very uncomfortable moment. Then, once he's in, there's the buckle. The buckle is places up high, right under his armpits, so it pulls his upper body back, but he is still small so he still flops all over. It's quite easy for him to crawl out of the seat despite being buckled and I am constantly having to put him back into the seat. He much prefers facing backwards and letting his drool fall on the groceries in the back of the cart. Obviously the person who invented this style of cart did not have children of his own.

Then there's the organization of the store. Some baby stuff is in a baby area, while other baby items, like toothbrushes, are with general merchandise. I have to go all over the store for just a few items on my list. Signs are always marked wrong and I'm always getting confused as to where things are located. This could be just me, but I see other people complaining about the same things.

Then it's time to check out. I decide to use the self check out lane, not the express lane, but the one for unlimited items. The less I have to deal with people the faster I can leave the store. As I'm running my items over the scanner, I notice there is milk on The Boy's zesty tomato crunchies. I have already scanned the milk, so I go down to the end where my milk sits and notice it is open. I go back to the scanner and push the help button. When help finally arrives, I explain that I already scanned the milk before realizing it was leaking. She asks if I still want to buy the milk and I say that I'd like to buy milk, but not that particular milk. She says that I should finish checking out and then I can go back and get my milk and all I can picture is me getting arrested for what looks like milk being shop lifted. I'm also wondering why someone doesn't just run back and grab me a new milk considering it's not my fault that their milk was already opened. But, whatever. As I finish scanning my items, I notice what I think is a bag boy bagging my groceries. He's down there for a couple minutes and I don't even notice when he leaves and I assumed my groceries are already bagged for me, which would be very nice considering The Boy is now very agitated that he is still buckled into the cart. I finish paying and head down to put my bagged groceries in the cart.

That's when I notice that all of my groceries are nicely organized at the end of the lane, but not bagged. Wouldn't it have taken the same amount of time to bag my groceries as it would have to organize them? But, whatever. I bag my groceries and find the lady who told me to go get my milk to double check with her how I am going to get my milk since I have already paid for it. She says to just tell the greeter that I am getting a new milk since my other milk was leaking.

I find the greeter and tell her that I need to get new milk and she makes me leave my cart at the front with her, which I understand, but come on - just find someone to go get the milk for me so that I don't have to carry my annoyed toddler to the back corner of the store to get a new half gallon of milk. Nope. But, whatever. I unbuckle my wriggly child and lug his 23 pound butt to the back of the store and get the new milk. When I get back to my cart, I then have to put him back into the seat so we can finally go out to the van and leave.

Normally I enjoy grocery shopping, but in the store's attempt to cut down on spending by getting rid of useless employees by having the customer do all of their own work, they also lose a lot of respect from those customers. Perhaps they should just hand the customer a ten dollar bill when they arrive at the store so that doing the employees work for them will actually pay off.