Blog Revival!

I've had numerous blogs in the past, since about 2003. Some of my former blogs were Adventures in Cavaland, Supertramp, Jazzy and the Chicken Coop....

Okay, so most of my blog names have been really off the wall and random, but hey, that's me. Well, a week ago a great online friend of mine, who also happens to be my kids' Internet Godmommy (Hi, Kristine!) decided it was time to start up blogging again! In a world where Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter rule, actually writing out our feelings, whether in long form or short, seems to have gone by the wayside. A lot of times my blog entries were like diary entries - here is what I did today and what I ate and who I talked to but sometimes my entries were actually meaningful and heartfelt. That's what blogging is all about. You can post anything on your blog! Wanna write a timeline of your events from the last week? Do it! Wanna write about that time when you were ten and got so embarrassed because you felt awkward in front of your first real crush? Do it! Facebook isn't about that. Facebook is all about the 'hey guys my toddler just took a crap on the toilet for the first time, look in the comments, there's a pic to prove it!'

I've never photographed my child's poo, just for the record. But Beth did once. Ewww. Pretty sure it was Maddy who smeared (my least fave word ever btw) poo all over her crib and Beth was totally that mom that posted about it. But, in Beth's defense, that was pretty epic and I didn't envy that clean up job at all. I did, however, post about the time I puked on top of puke and had to clean up all the puke while Timmy watched and commented about how I was pooping out my mouth. Pregnancy rules, by the way.

Anyway, Kristine suggested we post an update for all us old-schoolers, so here it is. For those that don't remember me from back in the SPF days, my name is Liza. I'm currently 36 and I live in West Michigan. Back in the SPF days I was single, then dating Chris, then engaged to Chris, and eventually married Chris. Now, I'm ten years married to Chris and we have three fantastically insane children - Timmy is nine, Natalie is seven, and Sammy is six. They are all wildly creative and horrifically gross and funny at the same time. I am a SAHM but plan to find a part time job once the school year starts. I am terrified. I have not had a job outside of this house (not counting the several years I did childcare at LaGrave CRC because that never felt like a job - that felt like going to church and entertaining children for a couple hours each week) since before Timmy was born. I don't have a degree and my former jobs and/or employers are nonexistent in my life. I suppose working as a panhandler could be an option, but I don't like people looking at me while I roast in the sun attempting to make the most feeble attempts of actually being in need. (Sorry, that might've been a bit mean)

Chris works for a pretty awesome place where he is the program coordinator in the refugee resettlement program. He's worked there since he was like four. Of course, Trump is trying to screw us all over in that area. Sigh. Timmy, going into 4th grade, is my athlete. He excels in soccer and cross country and also won the math award for his class in 3rd grade. Natalie is my reader and writer and won both awards for her class in 2nd grade and is heading into 3rd this fall. She's also pretty athletic herself and ran cross country and did great despite being smaller than everyone else in the race. She also loves basketball and soccer. Sammy is my Fan Man. He is six and going into 1st grade this fall and is all about science and math. He is super funny and really clever. We also have a snake, Lennon Fitness. We've had him since February 13, 2015. He's a ball python and super snuggly, I swear.

So...that's the basics. You can read in my blog from the last few years about anything else random and as I get back into this blogging thing, you'll get to know us all a bit better then.

PEACE!

Just Kinda Wanted To Write

Sometimes I get in the mood where I wanna write whether or not anyone reads. I wanna remember what was going on in my life and be able to look back on it. A couple weeks ago my friend Shirley and I went out for coffee after drop off and we laughed and laughed as I reminisced about some of my entries from when my kids were babies/toddlers. Sadly, it was all puke related...why do I write so much about puke? Such is the life of a mom, I guess. Shirley is a writer too. I like that about her and I feel like it's one way we can connect.

So...what's been going on lately...

The kids are getting older. Duh. Timmy is in third grade now, Natalie in second, and Sammy in kindy. All three of my kids are super smart (and I know I'm biased, but they really are!) but sometimes they are way too much to handle. Timmy is incredibly defiant at times while Natalie is highly emotional. Sammy is a mix of the two and can be very clingy which makes drop off difficult sometimes. Today he did great though and didn't even have to say goodbye to me. Breanna and I watched from a distance as he lined up and went in all on his own. I guess from now on the trick is to just ignore the kid.

Lately I've been dealing with a lot of health issues...again. Story of my life, right? The major issue has been my back. The discs in my back have been bulging out in so many words. I've been going to PT for a few weeks and it helps, but not long term. I've been on my feet most of the last few days and I'm definitely paying for it now with pain shooting down both of my legs and the inability to stand up straight. I truly don't think anyone can understand how horrid back pain is until experiencing issues like this, sciatica, and SI Joint pain. I was in the ER 3 times in one week because of this pain. I have a pretty high pain tolerance after experiencing appendicitis, gall bladder attacks, kidney infections, a PE, and three labors and deliveries (thankfully medicated so the pain wasn't TOO bad...) but this pain has had me in tears and wishing I could be put down like a horse with a broken leg. I feel like an old lady some days and hate that people might think I'm being dramatic but like I said, until you've experienced it...

In other news, today was picture day. Sammy has taken after both of his grandfathers and his Uncle Nick with what I call "Chandleritis" - kid smiles so adorably when his picture is NOT being taken, but ask him to smile for a picture and you get a hot mess. Natalie looked so pretty like always though I wish her loose front tooth would've fallen out before her picture. Timmy battled us on wearing a nice shirt but in the end we compromised with him wearing it ONLY for the picture and letting him wear a t-shirt the rest of the day.

Soooo....that's about it for now. I know, super boring, but eh whatevs. Mom life isn't always exciting. Sometimes it's monotony and humdrum boredom.

What's Going On

It's been awhile again, as I tend to with blogging...

Last we left off, my anxiety was through the roof. While I'd like to report that all is well, I can't - BUT I can tell you that my anxiety has greatly improved. I'm surrounded by amazing friends who do nothing but encourage me, support me, and build me up. I am so grateful for my "Brain Trust" and the ways they make me laugh,make me feel better, and pretty much just surround me with light and love. Of course I can't leave out my husband who has had to deal with my insanity over the last couple months :)

Life has gotten away with me. We had an amazing trip over spring break to TN and GA that I intended to blog about, and may still do. Timothy started soccer a few weeks ago and LOVES it. The Boy eats, sleeps, breathes soccer. He is definitely his father's son. He is naturally athletic and just can't get enough. Baby Girl has been doing amazing with her reading and does so well. She LOVES school and is sad that it's ending in a month. She adores her teacher and has made so many wonderful friends that I know she will miss over the summer. Thankfully her best friend's mom is part of my brain trust so they can't escape each other, haha. Sammy is growing fast and at three years old is the youngest of my three to learn how to ride a bike without training wheels! For a kid that does everything last minute, I can say I am overly impressed with how quickly he caught on to riding a bike.

I never in my life imagined how busy I'd be as a technical SAHM. Monday is basically the only day I have to myself at the moment, and when I say "to myself" I mean me and Sam. We're a team. But my gigs are winding down as well and I'm sad. I love the kids at Mars and at LaGrave. I will miss them over the summer and I really hope I will see them all again in the fall. I also love the relationships I've built with Kathy, Lynn, Sher, Jo, and Julie (my partners in crime, ROFL) as we've calmed the chaos.

Things haven't been completely easy with the kids, though. Timmy went through an anxious time while Chris was gone in NYC for work and Natalie is going through an intense phase of emotional distress which causes everyone in the house to be knocked for a loop. We are working through it and I know we'll come out on the other end in a better place. Until then, keep pulling for us! As for my husband and my brain trust (you know who you are!), keep praying, sending love and light, and buy me rolos. 

My Best Buddy

First, I want to thank everyone for their kind words on FB, in the comments, and in messages. I know so many people struggle with anxiety, depression, etc and if there wasn't such a stigma surrounding these disorders, more people would be willing to discuss their battles. I guess I'm just at the point where I can't hide it anymore. Writing has always been my outlet and maybe through my writing I can not only work through my own issues, but others might feel they can as well.

Now, on to My Best Buddy. That would be my Sammy. He's 3.5 now and for awhile we've always just called each other Best Buddy. He's been by my side since he was born unlike his older siblings, he's spent much of his toddler (and older) years having a lot of one on one time with me because the other two are in school. Timmy only had 17 months to himself before he had to share me. Natalie never got that time because Sammy came along when she was 22 months old. But Sammy has been enjoying one on one time with me since he was two, even if it was only for a few mornings a week. But now he has all day every day with me and we do everything together. He's my "baby" and I do a lot of talking to him throughout the day. Sometimes we talk about kitties and birdies and other times we talk about why we feel sad or why we feel angry or happy or upset, pretty much how I'm feeling on any given day because when my shadow is with me, I can't hide anything.

I woke up with anxiety tummy today, as I have for the last month. I'm at the end of my rope with this and I just can't do it anymore. After my shower this morning, I sat down on the steps and cried. Sammy was downstairs riding his bike and I heard him come running upstairs. He sits down with me, looks worried, and says, "Mommy, you crying?" He looks like he's about to cry too and says, "You have a tummy ache? I hug you. I make you feel better." We snuggle and he says, "Mommy, you feel better now?" And you know what? I do. My tummy isn't as anxious as it was before. I think I might even feel a little bit hungry, which I haven't really felt true hunger in days.

My Best Buddy is an amazing little person. He's already in tune to how people are feeling and wants to make people feel better. In fact, all of my kids are this way and I think it's because of all the people in the world I don't hide my feelings from, it's them. They've seen me at my worst - when I've been so mad over the littlest things where I have thrown toys and cursed and yelled and totally lost it in front of them - but then when I'm done, we all sit down and talk about it. I apologize for how I acted, explain how I was feeling and that it was NOT them and that sometimes I have very little control over how my body reacts to things. Other times they've seen me so down that I sit and cry for an hour. During that time my sweet little people rally around me and snuggle with me and draw me pictures and hug me and tell me they love me. My children are my support system and I can't imagine them not being with me. I'm only admitting this for the reason I stated above - I can't be the only one who has totally lost it on their kids and I can't be the only one who is an emotional wreck in front of their kids. It's how we work through it with our kids after all is said and done that is important. I am never afraid to apologize to my kids for things I have said and done around them or to them. I let them ask me any questions they want and I will always answer them honestly. I don't baby talk to my children and I don't blow smoke up their butts. For this, my children are incredibly in tune with their own feelings, and with people around them. In their short lives they've had to witness much more than most people have in their entire lives and they will continue to learn about other real life issues as they grow (not all including me, and honestly, this isn't an all the time thing. MOST of the time I'm a normal boring adult who wants to just sit and veg out in front of the TV and feed my kids mac n cheese.)

Anyway, so there's that. Just opening up here. I'm owning it. I'm owning my imperfections and my struggles. I am not going to hide anymore. I am going to force myself to be happy and to put myself out there and it's not to be faking it til I make it anymore. It's going to be because sitting at home feeling like crap is not going to change anything. I want to feel better and I want to get past this, so the only thing I can do is try. I remember a very early episode of The Simpsons - Lisa Gets the Blues. At the end of the episode, Marge has Lisa force a smile. Later Marge realizes she was wrong to make Lisa force herself to smile, but at the same time Lisa ended up feeling like smiling because she did. So it's a little bit of both - you don't have to fake your feelings, but trying to feel better just might work.

Peace.

Icy Lake Michigan

Last weekend we took the kids to Holland to check out the ice on Lake Michigan, and to have dinner at our usual place, Village Inn. We have a yearly tradition to go to Holland and swim in the summer and have dinner at Village Inn, so doing it in the winter was a lot of fun. We had their snow pants with us, but for some reason we didn't put the kids in them before venturing out to the Lake. It was brisk and everything was covered in ice, snow, and puddles. It was gorgeous! The kids had a blast walking on the ice and sliding down the side of the pier like penguins. They ended up soaked and Sam was the only one we had extra pants for. We stopped at Goodwill and got the big kids new jeans to wear and went to dinner. It was a really nice time and I hope it's a new yearly tradition for us as well :)

On Hold

A few days ago Natalie asked me a question that has stuck with me. I was on the computer, reading or typing something, ironically I can't remember what it was. She said something to me and I automatically replied, "Just a sec." 

"Mommy, why do always say 'just a sec' when I am talking to you?" 

Ouch. It stung because it was true. Every time I am on the computer and typing or reading, I put her on hold. I put all the kids on hold. I immediately closed the computer and pulled her onto my lap. 

"You're right; I always do make you wait to talk to me so I can finish what I am doing first." 

"Why do you do that?"

"I don't know, but I'm not going to do that anymore. You are so much more important to me than whatever I'm reading. I'm sorry that I've been ignoring you. What do you want to ask me?"

It's so hard to drop everything to listen to a four year old jabber nonstop about ponies or what her brother did that was naughty but these are the things that are important to her. If I ignore her now, she'll give up talking to me altogether. When the time comes that she will really need to tell me something important, I need to be available to her. I need to be available to all of my kids. 

Even if right now the questions she's asking me are making my head spin...Why does fire make people die? Why can't I climb on the roof? Why don't snakes have legs? 

Admitting Defeat

I feel very defeated today. I am exhausted. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of nonstop chaos. School started, which meant a brand new school for Timmy, all day every day, and dealing with an overly tired five year old is definitely wearing thin on me. Natalie now goes to school three days a week, which isn't a huge deal. I'm frustrated with her because she went through almost the entire month of August and the first half of September without any accidents at all. The last week she has peed in her undies at least once a day again. If she were actually trying or felt bad when she had accidents I wouldn't be so upset, but she just doesn't try and she just doesn't care. She lies to me about it. So she gets a time out. I reiterate that the time out is for lying, not for the accident. She just doesn't care. Have I mentioned that age four is my least favorite age so far? Timmy was the worst child I had ever seen when he was 4. Now Natalie has his that age and I'm ready to run away forever. And Sammy? He refuses to wear diapers but pees on the floor. He rarely naps now and is unbearable when he doesn't. He has discovered how to voice his opinion and is getting physical. He pushes Tim and Nat and yells at everyone. He screeches that pteradatcyl screech any time he doesn't approve of something. My head is ready to explode by 5pm.

Then Chris was gone on a trip to the UP and then for work and while I am happy he got to have some time to himself to go hand out with friends and do something fun, I am incredibly jealous. When is it my turn? When do I get to go away for a week without kids? I never have. I'm fairly certain that the only time I have ever been able to be away from my kids over night (by myself) was when I was in the hospital last year. Oh boy, what a vacation that was! Almost dying, hopped up on incredibly strong drugs, and in constant and severe pain. Party time!

I joined the Moms Club in hopes of making new friends (which I have!) and being able to get out and do fun things with the kids but I haven't done anything! It's partly on me - when I am actually able to go do something with them I am just so exhausted and grouchy that I stay home so that no one has to deal with me being a whiny pile of over-tired mommy. Now I start a new "gig" tomorrow and help with childcare at a Bible study. I'm happy to help this and start saving some of my own money, but now I'm really feeling like I'm being spread too thin. I'm trying to help with things at Nat's preschool, I want to be involved with Timmy's school, and I feel very overwhelmed now.

What I want - a trip to a nice hotel (doesn't have to be overly fancy, just something with a clean tub, nice smelling towels, a comfy bed, a fridge, and an awesome TV with lots of channels. I want to be by myself - ALL ALONE - for like three nights. Somewhere with a continental breakfast and coffee available at all times. And not in Grand Rapids. I don't want to be close enough that if my kids want me I feel guilty being that close. I want to be far enough away that it wouldn't make sense for me to go home so that I don't feel as much guilt for being away from them. I want to watch movies and crap TV. I want to write. I want to crochet. I want to nap whenever I feel like napping. I want to take a walk by myself in an area where I'm unfamiliar so that it seems like an adventure.

*sigh*

I know, in 16 years my kids will theoretically be out of the house and then I'll get my break, right? Probably not. But I can dream!

Long Lost Blogger

Yep, as usual life got going and I haven't update in ages. Let's see, what is going on here in Cavaland...

+ Timmy started kindergarten! He is having so much fun in his new class and has already made some new friends! He talks a lot about Eden (a friend from preschool!), Mussa, Ryan, and Riley. The days are long and he often comes home an emotional mess, but he is learning so much and his mind is such a sponge. He is sounding out words and trying to spell words on his own. Yesterday he spelled out a-b-l and said, "Look! I spelled apple!" Even though it wasn't even close to most people, I was really impressed by him trying to find the sounds in the word.

+ Natalie started MWF preschool This is going to be the year that will decide if I put her in kindergarten next year or in young 5s. The way she is going now, I can see her going straight into kindergarten, but it's so hard to say. She IS potty trained FINALLY but recently has been having random accidents again, but I remember Timmy doing that at 4. She loves school and has so many little friends to play with, her favorites being Megan, Kenzie, and Ki'ahir.

+ Sammy turned 2 over the summer and he is definitely taking the terrible twos very seriously lately. He is exerting his own will most of the time and yells NO to us a lot, but he is still a very sweet snuggler who jabbers nonstop.

+ We went to the UP with Tim and Nat in August. It was actually a lot of fun with very little issues! We hiked and went to Lake Superior but most of the time we spent our days being lazy at the cabin and enjoying the beautiful weather and scenery. Natalie loved collecting toads in a bucket while Timmy loved fishing and swimming with Chris. I enjoyed not having to chase a two year old, but did miss my Sammy. He spent that week with Grandpa and Grandma C getting to have his own special time being spoiled.

+ We said goodbye to Wriley last week. It was her time, as the saying goes. Her hips were getting really bad and her legs would go out from under her while she walked and her aggression was getting really bad. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Timmy and I were a mess. Every day now we talk about what Wriley and Cooper are doing in Doggy Heaven. We agree that they are usually swimming or eating.

+ I joined a Moms Club through an online friend who actually happens to live by me! I haven't been able to do much with the group yet because Chris was gone to the UP for a few days and then had a work conference for a few more, but I'm really hoping to be able to do some more things with them in October. The ladies are all really nice!

+ I'm starting a new "job" this week! On Thursday mornings I'll be helping with childcare at a church nearby while there is a Bible Study going on. It does pay AND I get to bring my kids with me! Awesome! It may not seem like much, but it's a start! It won't be long and I'll be heading back into the working (out of the home) world and will need some things to plump up my resume considering I haven't worked out of the home since 2008!

That's about all I can think of right now. I'll try to do individual posts about the kids and how they are doing eventually, but for now I am just trying to keep up on any updates!

BTW - I don't plan on making this blog be JUST about the kids - I have so many other things I want to write about - my struggles with weight loss and health troubles, things I like, crafts and what not...but for the most part I do just love writing about my kids and about parenting from the perspective of a flaky mom with her hands full most of the time. I hope people do continue to read even if it does get boring!

Natalie-isms - the drama edition

Yesterday, Natalie was running through the house and being super crazy. Running in the house never ends well for my kids (Timmy ended up with stitches from running in the house last summer). She happened to hit her hand on the wall and I'm sure it hurt, but with Natalie everything is three times as dramatic as it needs to be.

I snuggled her in the recliner and asked if she was okay.

"I wanna move to a new house!" Chris and I were trying very hard not to laugh. I failed. "I wanna move to a new house! This house has bad walls!"

Classic.

Grocery Shopping with Natalie

It's a rare that I get a chance to grocery shop without all three of the kids in tow, so when it was just me and Natalie, I took advantage. It was a couple weeks ago and in order to remember the events that unfolded in just that 90 minutes, I sent myself texts so that I wouldn't forget the adventure.

First, it was a trip that included bringing back bottles. For those of you that don't live in states where you can return pop and beer bottles for a cash refund, this involves shoving your cans, plastics, and glass into machines that will add up the amount for you. This is nice, but it's kinda sticky and gross. Remember when you had to count them up ahead of time and then the cashier would add them up and yeah, it was okay if you were one or two bottles off, but if you were off by more than that, those dimes mattered and you'd both recount all of your bottles? Classic times.

Well, it was a Saturday...a busy Saturday, complete with samples at the of every aisle, and other families trying to cash in their bottles too. Natalie wanted to help me with the bottles, but it already took every bit of geometry and puzzle knowledge I had to fit the bottles into one cart so that I could get them, and us, inside the store safely. All I wanted to do was get through the bottles quickly, but Natalie wanted to help so she would hand me bottles and of course, we would both end up covered in an icky corn syrup goo...really, that right there should cut me of my caffeine habit...

We finally got done with bottles and Natalie said she had to go potty. Okay, that's good. We head to the front of the store only to be reminded that the store is under construction and that the restroom was in the back of the store...by the toys....

We are now in the bathroom, the handicap stall so that I have room to maneuver with my not-yet fully potty trained child. I decided I better get my potty on while we were in there, so while I sat, Natalie decided that the handicap bar would serve as a good ballet bar and danced. Well, that was until she noticed that someone was in the stall next to us. So she kept peeking under the walls to see who was there. Awkward...

Finally, we head back to the front of the store to get a cart to finally do our shopping. That was when Natalie noticed someone. "HEY MOM! LOOK!! THAT GUY HAS NO HAIR! WHY DOES HE HAVE NO HAIR!?" Said bald man and his two tween sons turn and look at us and I flash an exhausted smile. They do not return this smile as Natalie continues to yell about the bald man with no hair.

I manage to actually have a pretty decent shopping trip until Natalie sees a kid with an Angry Bird hat. "MOM! LOOK!! AN ANGRY BIRD HAAAAT!!! LOOK! LOOK!!!! LOOOOOOOK!!!!! DID YOU SEE IT!?!?" Yes. I did. As did everyone else in the 50 yard radius of our cart.

We also had to stand directly under a speaker so that we could listen to the song "Somebody's Baby" by Jackson Browne, in it's entirety. Unfortunately, we were in the busiest row in the store. Who knew so many people would need sugar at that exact moment?

While we were checking out, we saw a preschool friend - James. It was a relief to see a friend - because there was a glimmer of hope that someone else was experiencing such a joyous shopping experience.

Despite all this, I'd still rather go shopping with her than the other two.

Natalie at 3.5

It's been awhile since I've done updates on the kids, so I'll start with Natalie Claire.

Natalie is now officially three AND A HALF. Where does the time go!? She is smart as ever and has a very sassy little personality. She can be very bossy and snaps at people if they aren't listening to her. She will not be a girl who will be pushed around and while dealing with her attitude can be hard at times, I love that she is not about to let anyone walk all over her.

She is doing really well in preschool for the most part. She is still not potty trained but I keep reminding myself that sometimes really smart children potty train later than others. It's just not a priority for them. She is learning her letters, numbers, shapes, and colors and is doing really well with that. The only issue she struggles with really is cutting but that will come in time. She has a lot of friends at school but is also able to play independently. Her best friends are MacKenzie and Ki'ahir but she also talks a lot about Nico, Josie, Megan, Addison, and Jaeda. Her best friends outside of school are Kenley and her cousin Joel. She also loves to play with all of Timmy's friends from school.

At home she dotes on Sammy. She loves being a big sister and when we are out and about with him she loves to be "in charge" of him. She still wants to spend time with Timmy but now that he is getting older he wants to do more "big kid" stuff and doesn't always want his little sister tagging along.

Her favorite things to do are coloring and drawing, dancing, singing, playing cars and angry birds. She loves to watch Care Bears, My Little Pony, and Angelina Ballerina. She also loves to sit and watch youtube videos of angry birds and cars.

She is about 28lbs and 38" tall now and her blonde hair is still very soft and fine. She has a soft spot for animals of all kinds, even snakes and insects. She loves to find worms in the dirt and make them her pets. She also loves to help Daddy make dinner and loves to help me edit pictures. She is in size 6-7 shoes and mostly in size 3/3T clothing with some 4s.

Nat is a sweetheart, very affectionate, and loves to give hugs and if you don't give her a hug before you leave somewhere, she will cry for an hour. She makes me very proud to have a little girl but also very glad I have only one!

Band-Aids Fix Everything

Ever since I got home from the hospital (will post the whole story eventually), the kids have been obsessed with things like shots and getting poked and blood and all that icky stuff. Today the kids insisted that their beloved Pillow Friends, Panda and Rhino, needed to be fixed.

Timmy's Rhino is actually in need of some doctoring. The last time we washed him two of his feet (paws? hooves?) ripped open a little bit. Timmy made me find him some special band-aids for Rhino and he very tenderly took care of his best buddy.

Natalie's Panda lost her tail a long time ago, so that, along with Panda's ears, needed to be fixed. Nothing is really wrong with Panda's ears, but Natalie insisted they were broken, so band-aids were the cure. 

I am really hoping this obsession with blood and all the icky stuff goes away soon. The other night Natalie told me she couldn't go to school the next day because she had blood in her throat. Timmy had to tell me all about how he fell down and was bleeding at a friend's house. I, for one, have had enough blood talk to last me a long time. 

A Talk of Babies and Marriage

Timmy: Mommy, when Natalie gets older is she going to have a baby come out her tummy like you did?

Me: Well, maybe after she meets a boy she loves and they get married.

Timmy: Who is Natalie going to marry?

Me: I don't know. Who are you going to marry, Nat?

Natalie: You!

Me: But you can't marry me because I'm your mommy and I'm married to Daddy.

Natalie: Then I'm gonna marry Sammy.

Me: But you can't marry Sammy or Timmy either because they are your brothers. You have to marry someone you aren't related to. Is there a boy you like?

Natalie: I love Parker. I'm going to marry Parker.

TOOOTALLY saw that one coming.

Thursday Thirteen

Thursday Thirteen - Thirteen Current Very Random Thoughts

1. I am very excited to get a gym membership again. I have really missed working out. Went yesterday with my G-Funk and she worked me good, man. Back is killing me!

2. Number one sounds very kinky.

3. This morning was rough. I'm really thankful that Chris is going to go with Timmy tomorrow morning so I don't have to do it again.

4. Every time someone passes away I miss my angels in heaven even more. Today I'm finding myself thinking about Betsy and Amber a lot more - two young woman who were taken to Heaven way too soon. Miss them more and more all the time and wonder what their lives would be like.

5. I am so excited to get a Christmas Tree but at the same time I don't want one. I already have to chase kids out of rooms and off furniture, I am not looking forward to keeping little hands away from the tree.

6. I had two of the kids best buddies here yesterday. You'd think having five kids in the house would be crazy, but I enjoy it. K&P were really helpful yesterday (when they weren't stealing my lemonade!). K helped me put away dishes and P helped me hang up Christmas lights.

7. Sometimes I feel like I'm always the one helping others out - like taking my mom shopping and things like that - and then I feel like no one helps me out in return. I know this isn't true - and the biggest reason for this is because I don't ask for help. Why is it so easy to offer help for others but it's so hard to ask for help when I need it? I really need to get over my pride and ask for help when I need something.

8. I really wanna know how it's possible for Natalie to pee all over the floor in front of the toilet but still poop in the potty at the same time.

9. Scratch that...I don't wanna know.

10. I think that of all my insane pet peeves and annoyances, being ignored is my number one. The kids are pros at this (as are a few other people I know).

11. I love writing. I'm glad that I've started to get back into blogging again even if it's not trendy anymore. It's a great way to work through my feelings and thoughts especially since I am really bad at talking about things. I am definitely an "internalizer" when it comes to "getting in touch with my feelings." This way I can write and get it out and move on. I may not be the best writer (I am always ending my sentences with prepositions) but who cares? What I'm saying is much more important than how I'm saying it.

12. I've had this awesome blog theme for a year now - I think I need a blog revamp soon. Maybe Buddy can help me with it again :)

13. I love the number 13. My boys and I are 13s.

Saying Goodbye

Death is such a hard concept to understand for anyone, let alone a preschooler, so the fact that my kids have had to say goodbye to not just one but two people they were very close to this year is too much for this momma to take.

Back in the spring, Chris's Grandpa passed away. Great Grandpa Joe was nearly 90 and we loved him dearly. The kids spent a few times each month being able to see him during our regular Sunday dinners with the family. He was always so funny - all the kids were boys and were mostly referred to as "little shavers" "tykes" and things like that. When he passed away the kids hadn't ever had to deal with death before. They were with us every step of the way during the grieving process, visitation, and funeral. They asked a lot of great questions and were now aware that life doesn't go on forever, at least not here on Earth. 

The kids spent the next few months talking about death and dying. The questions they would ask made them seem much older than their two and four year old selves. They weren't innocent anymore; they were now understanding things that a lot of adults have never even had to deal with yet. Natalie, especially, had grown an almost macabre obession with death. In Samuel's Childrens' Bible, she found the story about Jesus dying on the cross and asked us to read this to her every day, sometimes more than once. 

On this particular July afternoon, Natalie got very serious and asked me why Jesus was crying. I explained that he was sad because his friends betrayed him and he had to die on the cross to save us from our sins. She got really upset that her Baby Jesus died so I tried to explain that one day we would get to meet Him when we died. I guess this was the wrong thing to say because my precious two year old burst into tears and started sobbing, "But, I don't wanna die!" 

After awhile their obsessions passed and they were back to being happy preschoolers. Now three, Natalie was able to start going to preschool as well. She already knew the teachers from all of the mornings we'd pick Timmy up from school the year before. She was so excited to go and fell in love with the teachers and made a lot of new friends. She and Timmy are both doing great in school this year. 

Sadly, this afternoon we received the devastating news that their beloved teacher, Mrs. Blanksma, passed away this morning. I was in complete shock and had no idea how to react. At the time I not only had my two kids, but two of their friends were over as well who were also in their preschool classes and knew and loved Mrs. Blanksma. It wasn't my place to tell my friend's kids about their teacher passing, so we had to make a lot of fun this afternoon. We watched a movie, played the Wii, ate a yummy snack, and took a drive out to a covered bridge to play for awhile. 

This evening after I dropped their friends off, we sat down to tell Tim and Nat about their teacher. I explained that this morning Mrs. Blanksma went to Heaven. Timmy said, "You mean she died?" He was getting teary. Chris and I were both tearing up too - it's never easy to lose someone you love - especially someone who plays such an important role in your children's lives. I explained that her heart had gotten sick and stopped working but that she was now in Heaven with Great Grandpa and they were friends and weren't lonely. When I tried to explain to Natalie that Mrs. Blanksma wasn't going to be at preschool anymore, Timmy got upset and said, "But I want her to come back!" This is when I lost it. In fact, I'm almost crying again just typing this up. Natalie, of course being the little comic relief, said, "Can we have her hamster?"

The kids took it in, were quiet for a few minutes and then were on their way. I wish adults could be that resilient. I'm still reeling from the news. Mrs. Blanksma will be missed by everyone who was ever able to know her. She was an amazing woman, teacher, and friend. I will miss being able to send her a quick email just to find out how the kids were doing at school. She always had a lot of great advice for me, especially when struggling with what to do with certain behaviors the kids were displaying. She was always happy to chat about anything from Jimmy's Grill to the Grand Lady Riverboat to what the kids had for snack that day at school. She always made sure her students and their families were taken care of and I will miss seeing her every day and I know the kids will too. I am just so grateful that the other teachers at the school are just as wonderful and caring as Mrs. Blanksma was. I know that they will carry on the traditions and will always take the time to care about their students. 

Now, please, let my kids have a break from having to say goodbye to the people they love. They are three and four and need to be kids - not young adults learning life lessons. 

Where Have I Been?

Wow...I totally slacked on updating this thing! Part of me wants to just delete the whole thing but then I figure I'd eventually miss having a blog so I might as well keep it around for when I need to write. Right now Facebook took away my posting abilities because some "friend" decided to report two of my pics of the kids in the tub. There was NOTHING showing on these pics and what sucks that they were mobile pics that I don't have on my phone anymore so I'll never have those pictures back. FB already took away my video uploading abilities. What a bunch of crap.

Timothy and Natalie are both in preschool this year, just on different days. They love it and have so many friends and are doing really well. Timmy is 4.5 and Nat turned 3 in September. Samuel is now 15.5 months old and is the sweetest little munchkin. The only time he's really not content is when food is involved. He could eat and eat! He is really snuggly and really smart and is saying a lot of words these days.

Chris and I are doing well! He's super busy with work and I'm busy with the kids and being at the school nearly every day. I love it though. It keeps me from being too bored.

I guess the biggest thing that is going on in my life right now has to do with my mom - as usual. She has once again overdosed (she did this in May as well) in hopes of committing suicide. This time we are not letting her go back to living alone but getting her into an AFC home is not going to be easy especially if she decides to fight us. I'll be taking Abbey back to live with us (this will make the kids excited to have a cat again) which is probably going to be the hardest thing for Mom to deal with.

I sure hope to get back into the habit of writing in here again. I could always use a place to vent.

Bug Lover

Natalie is a very interesting, funny little girl. She is the perfect mix of girly-girl and tomboy. She wears a tutu every day and loves to sing, dance, and perform for anyone who will pay attention. She loves to have pretty dresses on and to have her hair done up with a big bow. Painted toenails and fingernails are a must with her.

Then she goes outside and the girly-ness ends. She loves to dig in the dirt, roll in the grass, and play ball with her dad and brother. Today she found a new love as well - bugs. Timmy found an ant on the front steps and said it was like ant on WordWorld. Natalie ran over to see her new friend. As soon as she saw him she picked him up in her hand and hugged her hands to her chest with a grin. "I love my ant! He is my new pet!" And off she ran with her new friend. I knew the ant would be dead within seconds and was hoping to avoid any meltdowns when her pet perished. Sure enough, ant was dead. Surprisingly, Natalie was unaffected by this. She set off to find a new friend and it didn't take her long to find a new pet.

This is Mr. Beetle. He was wiggling and trying to get free as soon as she picked him up, but she was not going to let him go. 

Showing me her new pet. 

Checking him out. His little antennae were waving around in despair. 

Hugging Mr. Beetle to death...literally. 

So another precious pet perished. So she found another ant...

FAIL! And Updates :)

Yep. I totally failed at blogging more frequently. OOPS. Oh well!

So what's new around here?

Hmm.

With Sammy: He will be seven months old on Monday! He is learning to sit, can roll from back to front, and gets on his hands and knees and rocks. It won't be long and he will be a mobile baby! Well, he is now but only in reverse.

He had his first (and my first) choking experience a couple weeks ago. I had to do the baby heimlich. Scary! Thankfully he was just fine and even laughed afterwards.

He loves to eat! His favorites are squash and pears. The only food I've come across that he really shows any dislike for is peas. He is the first of my babies to like the baby food meats LOL!

He had surgery recently to correct his Hypospadias. He did great and is all better now!

He is currently 17.5lbs and 28" long! Big boy! He just got his first big boy car seat as well - he has moved up to a MyRide!

With Natalie: Miss Noodles is as funny and feisty as ever. She loves to yell at us and constantly tells us to "stop it!" Though usually it's irrelevant to anything going on at the time. She also likes to say things are "scary" and she does it in this sad little tone.

She has starting showing an interest in the potty and has even had a few days where she's worn underwear! She still has accidents but has also started going pee in "Timmy's potty" as well. Such a big girl!

She counts all the time now and with help can count to twenty. She also knows her abc*s and can recognize probably half of the letters now. She loves to sing and dance and does both all day long. Her love right now is being a ballerina and will rip off her clothes and wear only a tutu and her ballet shoes for most of the day and will spin and spin saying that she is a ballerina. We've started calling her "Natalina Ballerina" after her favorite show and she answers to it.

She still loves Gabba. She also loves Bob the Builder. She adores her brothers "Baby Sammy Salmon" and "Hiffy" more than anything. She's been quite the daddy's girl lately too.

With Timmy: Timmy is still our silly almost FOUR! year old. He has days where he is nonstop naughty and days where he is so good and helpful. Some days I see a light at the end of the tunnel that the worst is over with his terrible toddler years and then other days all I wait for is the kids to be in bed and to sit with a glass of wine and unwind. He is so sensitive and emotional - I love that about him. He cares deeply for everyone and is so observant to so many things. He has a phenomenal photographic memory and while driving around town can recall where things are or were - things like where certain ArtPrize entries were located, like Steam Pig and the car that had all sorts of junk plastered all over it. The kids always ask about Steam Pig so I told them he moved to Arizona. Heaven forbid we ever actually go to Arizona and I have to explain why we can't go visit that blasted pig.

Timmy's love is Bob the Builder. He loves to go out and dig. I think it's because Timmy loves Bob so much that Natalie does too. She wants to do everything her brother does. In turn though, Timmy loves to do anything Natalie loves as well so lately he has taken to stripping down to his underwear and being a ballerina as well. They are inseparable best friends.

He is doing really well in preschool. He seems to be that kid who is friends with everyone including the teachers. His best friends still remain Lucas and Ryan. He constantly talks about them and recently drew pictures for them at home and made me mail them to his friends. He also talks a lot about Charlie A and Paige C. Recently he has mentioned Spencer and Sam as well.

He had a regression recently with using the potty but a trip to the doctor last week including a finger poke to check his blood glucose helped him get back on the right track. He went five days in a row with no accidents! This is huge considering there were some days when it would be one accident after the other. He really doesn't want to go back and have his finger poked again.

Timmy has learned how to write his name! T-i-M. Though sometimes it's upside, backwards, or mixed up - but he can do it!

With Wriley: She smells like crap and scares the kids. She annoys me but I still love her.

With Me & Chris: We got a new van! We will be getting rid of McCoy soon. We now have a 2003 Olds Silhouette. Power doors, heated leather seats, DVD/TV set up, and to me the most exciting thing is that it has sliders on BOTH sides, not just on the passenger side. We're moving up in the world! This is the most exciting thing I have to share about us, haha.

Puke & Packing Peanuts

My husband was in two Fantasy Football leagues this season, as he is every season for the last several years. This year he won one of the leagues and in this league, the winner receives a giant trophy.

Said trophy arrived in the mail today. It arrived in a big box. Coincidentally (or not?), this week in Timmy's preschool it was Box Week - they created things with boxes, hid in boxes, played in boxes, decorated boxes, etc. Well, Chris opened his trophy and inside was a delightful assortment of long pieces of paper, bubble wrap, and packing peanuts. The box was also the perfect size for not only a three-year old to fit inside, but also for a two-year old. Both Timmy and Natalie climbed in. It was fun for them, playing in the packing peanuts. They threw some up in the air, popped the bubbles on the bubble wrap, crinkled the paper, and enjoyed the fun that only toddlers can. (Except for maybe the bubble wrap - Chris and I both enjoyed that a little too much.) I was focusing on their fun and not on the mess they were making. Most of the contents did remain in the box, so Chris said, "I'll clean it up."

Today is Thursday, so Chris needed to go upstairs and change for basketball. I stayed downstairs with the kids and was rocking with Samuel. Samuel felt that during this time it would be appropriate to regurgitate his previous meal all over me. I was clearly not thinking when I went upstairs to change my clothes and get the puke off of me. Chris said, "I fear what they're doing down there," as we listened to the laughter and shrieks of delight coming from down below.

"I've learned to not fear it and just accept it," I told him.

I am pretty sure Chris regretted saying, "I'll clean it up."

BTW - Packing Peanuts are incredibly static-y. I mean, so much that when you put them in the trash they fly out the top and stick to the wall. This being said, Chris and I ate ham out of a bag for dinner and the kids had a fruit bar, an orange, and a banana.

Stress.

I have been under a lot of stress; family issues, personal issues, you name it. Christmas is closing in and I have such a mess of clutter down in the basement that I need to go through and get wrapped and so many projects I still need to undertake with very little time to do so.

Add to it that I came down with the flu or something equally sucky over the last few days. Fever of nearly 102, terrible head cold, body aches, the whole shebang. I've felt so terrible and while I'm slowly feeling better, I'm still not feeling great.

To top it off, the kids have been unbearable. They collapsed Natalie's SECOND crib tent this morning (thankfully Chris salvaged it), Timmy has been peeing in his underwear for no apparent reason, Natalie is going through a stubborn hitting phase, and neither of them listen at all anymore. I do realize it comes with the age, but with so much stress I've been dealing with, it doesn't help.

Chris hasn't been feeling great either, so thankfully my parents came to the rescue and took Timmy and Natalie for the night. I should have some time tomorrow to go through the things in the basement and maybe make a few things.

It got to the point today where I deactivated my facebook account before I vented something and regretted what I said. I'll probably reactivate it tomorrow or Wednesday when I'm feeling a little better. A break is good every so often.

I'm excited to start the New Year off right. I have so many new ideas and goals for 2012. First, I won't be doing 365 with Timmy and Natalie. I'll continue it with Sammy because for now I can still just snap away and he doesn't care. The other two are sick of pictures. I thought I'd also start a new 365 project where I take a picture of the same item every day. I already have this picked out but won't unveil anything until the New Year.

As far as weight loss goes, I'm at a stand still and not going to worry about it until the holidays are done. I did weigh myself today with the fear that I'd gained a ton but I was at 162.5 so I can't complain! Being sick helps I'm sure, haha!

Another goal for 2012 is going to be to actually blog more, spend less time on facebook and the computer all together, and to work hard at being the mommy and wife I've always wanted to be. I need to hold myself accountable and I need others to hold me accountable to keeping with my goals.

In other news, Sammy has started eating solids! This child lives to eat and loves to eat. He is constantly on the boob so I thought that I'd start him on solids and see if he was ready and boy was he! He polished off a whole thing of bananas at dinner tonight! He loves it. He's so funny! He opens his mouth as wide as it can go and sticks his tongue all the way out in anticipation of the next bite. He's so unlike Natalie in this sense where with her I had to force her mouth open and finally gave up and she didn't eat solids until she was nearly eight months old.

As much as I love the holidays, I am looking forward to being done with them this year. I can't wait to start fresh in 2012!