Updates, Updates, Updates

Wow, I haven't updated since last year! Things have been CRAZY around here, but not in a bad way. 

+ Physically I am okay. I'm assuming that the PE is dissolved by now, but I'm still feeling the effects of having gone through such a traumatic ordeal. Some days I am totally fine and other days I feel like I can't catch a breath and that my heart is going to pound out of my chest. I also get frequent migraines now because of the meds. Sometimes it's bad enough to lay me out on my back and send me to the bathroom every thirty minutes. In general though, I'm doing really well. 

+ I have been doing my best to get to the gym 3-5x a week. I am so happy to have a gym so close to home that provides a clean and safe environment to go and exercise. They also provide childcare so you can't go wrong there! I am also glad that I have awesome friends with memberships there as well and I don't have to always be alone. I always feel more motivated to work harder when I have a friend by me. 

+ We've also been really busy with preschool events - mothers night, beach parties, valentines day parties, etc. I do my best to go to the ones where childcare is provided and help out as much as I can. The teachers there are doing such a great job despite everything that has happened this year. The least I can do is to help out where I can and do what I can. 

+ I will try to update on each of the kids and how they are doing at a later date :)

Stress.

I have been under a lot of stress; family issues, personal issues, you name it. Christmas is closing in and I have such a mess of clutter down in the basement that I need to go through and get wrapped and so many projects I still need to undertake with very little time to do so.

Add to it that I came down with the flu or something equally sucky over the last few days. Fever of nearly 102, terrible head cold, body aches, the whole shebang. I've felt so terrible and while I'm slowly feeling better, I'm still not feeling great.

To top it off, the kids have been unbearable. They collapsed Natalie's SECOND crib tent this morning (thankfully Chris salvaged it), Timmy has been peeing in his underwear for no apparent reason, Natalie is going through a stubborn hitting phase, and neither of them listen at all anymore. I do realize it comes with the age, but with so much stress I've been dealing with, it doesn't help.

Chris hasn't been feeling great either, so thankfully my parents came to the rescue and took Timmy and Natalie for the night. I should have some time tomorrow to go through the things in the basement and maybe make a few things.

It got to the point today where I deactivated my facebook account before I vented something and regretted what I said. I'll probably reactivate it tomorrow or Wednesday when I'm feeling a little better. A break is good every so often.

I'm excited to start the New Year off right. I have so many new ideas and goals for 2012. First, I won't be doing 365 with Timmy and Natalie. I'll continue it with Sammy because for now I can still just snap away and he doesn't care. The other two are sick of pictures. I thought I'd also start a new 365 project where I take a picture of the same item every day. I already have this picked out but won't unveil anything until the New Year.

As far as weight loss goes, I'm at a stand still and not going to worry about it until the holidays are done. I did weigh myself today with the fear that I'd gained a ton but I was at 162.5 so I can't complain! Being sick helps I'm sure, haha!

Another goal for 2012 is going to be to actually blog more, spend less time on facebook and the computer all together, and to work hard at being the mommy and wife I've always wanted to be. I need to hold myself accountable and I need others to hold me accountable to keeping with my goals.

In other news, Sammy has started eating solids! This child lives to eat and loves to eat. He is constantly on the boob so I thought that I'd start him on solids and see if he was ready and boy was he! He polished off a whole thing of bananas at dinner tonight! He loves it. He's so funny! He opens his mouth as wide as it can go and sticks his tongue all the way out in anticipation of the next bite. He's so unlike Natalie in this sense where with her I had to force her mouth open and finally gave up and she didn't eat solids until she was nearly eight months old.

As much as I love the holidays, I am looking forward to being done with them this year. I can't wait to start fresh in 2012!

Monday Weigh-in

I have really slacked off over the last week. Eating ice cream snacks and had some pop. UGH. Despite all that I am down to 163, so that's a start! I was 165 two weeks ago, so even though I haven't lost much at least it's not going up!

I had an appointment this morning and sat down in the room and across from me was a huge mirror I looked so....UGH....fat and rolly polly. Yuck. I am so sick of feeling so down on myself for being so out of shape. Having three kids in the last four years has really taken a toll on my body and while I'd do it again, I wish I'd have worked harder at keeping the weight down.

One thing that I know would help me feel better about myself is, once again, having clothes that fit me properly. I take all the time to build great wardrobes for my kids but never take the time to do anything nice for myself. It doesn't help that I am totally clueless as to what to buy that would look good on me and I don't have the money to spend. I wish I could have someone shop for me and dress me up and make me look good because I don't know how to do it for myself. I want to be one of those moms that looks as good as her kids but I just don't. I wear the same two outfits to church each week. I'm sure the people around me assume I don't have any other clothes, which is pretty much true. I bought myself a couple new pairs of jeans a couple months ago - then I gained twenty pounds and I can't get them on past my fat thighs. The jeans I do have that fit are old, have holes in them, and stains. I look like SAHM Trash.

Anyway...I don't mean to complain. I am working hard towards becoming the Mom I want to be inside and out and I do love myself. I'm pretty rad. I think I'm pretty, but only from the neck up. When I'm done breast-feeding I would love to be able to have a breast reduction. And a tummy tuck. And while we're at it, how about a nose job?

Yuck.

Before I get into the point of my post, just have to say I am still working on a new title and blog layout for my blog. I realize my baby is four months old (today!) but I am slow at these things.

Anyway. Last week I actually buckled down and started on some new goals as the first step towards my weight loss journey and for the most part I did pretty well. The basic "rules" are no eating after 8pm, no pop or alcohol (though a little wine or wine cooler is okay, nothing hard), and pretty much just eating smaller portions at meal time and less snacking in between. I've also been making a point to drink a glass of water each time I go into the kitchen. Some days I'm better at this than others.

I started out last Monday at 165 and on Friday was 163.5, so that's a start.

Today we had Sammy's dedication at church. My sister took pics for me and I just got them put over onto the computer and man...I look so grossly overweight and frumpy. My self confidence has plummeted once again just reminding me of how much I really need to focus. So tomorrow, not only will I continue with my better eating habits, but I will also be adding as much exercise to the regimine as I can. I'll try to do the shred a few times a week as well as some walking and other workout videos I can find. I know that there are some free things on demand.

I am so sick of being the fat one of all my friends and family. I used to be the thin one that everyone accused of having an eating disorder. Why can't I just find a happy medium?

Something I don't talk about

Today I am going to talk about something I don't talk about very often - me. Most of the time I write about my kids because, well, let's face it - I 'm a mom; that's what I do.

But today we are going to talk about me and how I am fluffy. I am overweight and aside from the luck I get of having Hyperthyroidism while pregnant, when I'm not pregnant all I do is continue to gain weight.

I must admit, I am pretty lazy when it comes to actually trying hard to lose weight. Last year I had a membership at a gym and I'd go ride the bike or do the elliptical for an hour a few times a week and was able to maintain my weight, but couldn't lose a pound. After I had Sammy I was down to 145. ONE. FORTY. FIVE. That is 25 pounds under what I was when I got pregnant with him. ONE FORTY-FIVE. He was born in July. It is now November and my weight? 165. I have gained back 20 pounds. While some women might look forward to being back at their pre-preggo weight, I do not. I do not want to be back at pre-preggo weight.

I eat like I've never eaten before. I snack. I eat what I can when I can because when you have little ones, it's hard to actually sit and enjoy a meal. Therein lies the problem - I overeat. A lot. I eat at midnight. I eat at all hours of the day.

I don't exercise regularly. I like to take walks, but it's just not easy to take a walk with three kids when two need to be in either a wrap or a stroller and one could go in a stroller but refuses and keeping him by me is a challenge.

I made a new account at www.myfitnesspal.com and used it for one day. I really need to buckle down, focus, and really work hard towards my goal. Today I weighed 165. I'd love to be 135 again. That is 30 pounds to lose. I think I'm going to start with small goals with small rewards. I am also going to work really hard on portion control and not snacking so much. I need to drink a lot more water and a lot less pop. And I need to start exercising. I bet I can get the kids involved with that. Maybe they'll do the shred with me :)

If all else fails, I'll just bench press my kids a few times a day.