What's Going On

It's been awhile again, as I tend to with blogging...

Last we left off, my anxiety was through the roof. While I'd like to report that all is well, I can't - BUT I can tell you that my anxiety has greatly improved. I'm surrounded by amazing friends who do nothing but encourage me, support me, and build me up. I am so grateful for my "Brain Trust" and the ways they make me laugh,make me feel better, and pretty much just surround me with light and love. Of course I can't leave out my husband who has had to deal with my insanity over the last couple months :)

Life has gotten away with me. We had an amazing trip over spring break to TN and GA that I intended to blog about, and may still do. Timothy started soccer a few weeks ago and LOVES it. The Boy eats, sleeps, breathes soccer. He is definitely his father's son. He is naturally athletic and just can't get enough. Baby Girl has been doing amazing with her reading and does so well. She LOVES school and is sad that it's ending in a month. She adores her teacher and has made so many wonderful friends that I know she will miss over the summer. Thankfully her best friend's mom is part of my brain trust so they can't escape each other, haha. Sammy is growing fast and at three years old is the youngest of my three to learn how to ride a bike without training wheels! For a kid that does everything last minute, I can say I am overly impressed with how quickly he caught on to riding a bike.

I never in my life imagined how busy I'd be as a technical SAHM. Monday is basically the only day I have to myself at the moment, and when I say "to myself" I mean me and Sam. We're a team. But my gigs are winding down as well and I'm sad. I love the kids at Mars and at LaGrave. I will miss them over the summer and I really hope I will see them all again in the fall. I also love the relationships I've built with Kathy, Lynn, Sher, Jo, and Julie (my partners in crime, ROFL) as we've calmed the chaos.

Things haven't been completely easy with the kids, though. Timmy went through an anxious time while Chris was gone in NYC for work and Natalie is going through an intense phase of emotional distress which causes everyone in the house to be knocked for a loop. We are working through it and I know we'll come out on the other end in a better place. Until then, keep pulling for us! As for my husband and my brain trust (you know who you are!), keep praying, sending love and light, and buy me rolos. 

When did this happen?

When I was a kid, I never wanted to have kids. My mom did in-home daycare and I was constantly surrounded by children. When I was little, it was so much fun to have lots of friends come over and play with me all day, but I grew up and the children all stayed little. It wasn't as much fun being 10, 11, 12, and having my house filled with four year olds. I'd hide out in my room and felt trapped by the chaos. Sometimes I'd get stuck helping out and having to sacrifice my time to play with the kids outside so that my mom could rock the baby or get snacks prepared. Don't get me wrong, some of those kids became like siblings to me and I still have a relationship with them now that we are adults. I've watched so many children grow up and I loved them like they were family - BUT I was a kid and being surrounded by kids and taking away my mom's attention, you know how it goes. 

Even as I got older, I never really had that maternal instinct or desire to be around kids. Sure, I loved my nieces and nephews, but I was so glad that I could give them back. I have to admit, when my nephew Peter was born, I didn't hold him until he was 6 months old. I've never been one to baby talk to a kid. Me? When my nephew Ryan was born, I held him in the hospital and told him I was going to teach him about tornadoes and other cool things. I may not have ever taught Ryan about tornadoes, but he and I are quite a lot alike with our interests - similar tastes in music and humor and it's been one of the ways I could bond with him as he grew up. With Alex, I didn't really sit and do kid stuff with her. Instead, she'd come over for the weekend and I taught her how to play Monopoly. We take walks together, watch movies together, and I pretty much made her my best friend by acting like she was an adult instead of a kid. Now that she is an adult (AN ADULT!? SERIOUSLY!?) we've never had to go through that awkward shift of 'you're not a kid anymore' - our conversations have stayed the same, and we both laugh at totally dumb things like we always did (I've never really been good at being an adult anyway). 

Then this crazy, insane thing happened. I got married and within a year I was pregnant with our first child. Something totally weird happened inside of me and I somehow knew how to take care of my kid when he was born. Then I had another kid. And another. Then my kids got into school and started making friends. I started getting involved with their classes and becoming friends with their friends' parents. During Timmy's second year of preschool we started having play dates with various friends, some of whom are still my closest friends. I started helping with class parties, etc. I used to say "how in the world can anyone be a teacher, I'd die being surrounded by kids all day." 

And then a couple years ago I started working childcare at my aunt's church once a week. The group was small, but I loved the kids I had and I started getting to know these children for more than just "another kid" and I loved them like my own. I came back for another year and continued to watch these sweet kids grow. I loved it so much that when I saw my own church was looking for help on Wednesday mornings, I realized it was perfect for me. The group I have there is very different than my LaGrave group. First, there are a LOT of kids there. Second, I had to get to know the person who would be running the room with me. My "partner" at LaGrave - we bonded instantly. She's a bit older than me, but we are kindred spirits. She's easy to talk to and we do a lot of laughing. She LOVES my kids, even Timmy, and she's never even met him. So I was a little nervous to meet the person I'd be doing childcare with at Mars. Turns out, she's great! We work so well together - she is firm yet loving with the kids, and like normal, I tend to be the one who does the snuggling and comforting. We end each time with book time and I play little guessing games with them and I am getting to know this group of crazy, funny, sweet 3-5 year olds. 

So I thought, why not add another day of the week to spending time with more kids? Today I met my new group of kids at LaGrave - and it's specifically a moms group, so we have A LOT of kids - and you know what? I love them!! They range in age from a few months old to nearly 5. I also met the other caregivers and again - bonded! We all have our strengths and talents and it naturally just fell into place what our "duties" would be. I spent a lot of time just kind of moving from group of kids to group of kids and making sure everyone was happy. I read some books to Mariel, the one little girl I've known for a year and a half now, and got to know some of the kids by playing with them. I also got some baby snuggles! I LIVE for baby snuggles!! 

Did I mention I also volunteer in Timmy's 1st grade class every Tuesday morning? I am getting to know his friends and all the kids in the class and I love it! Smart, funny kids that give me hugs when I leave and their faces light up when they see me come in. I really feel like I missed my calling and I hate that I didn't discover how much I love spending time with kids until now. Then I sit back and I think, maybe there's a reason it took this long - God was waiting until I was ready for it. He needed me to work out some issues and to learn and grow as a parent before sharing my gift of caring for kids. 

And maybe the apple didn't fall as far as I thought when it comes to me and my mom - because if there's one thing my mom was awesome at, it was caring for kids. 

Long Lost Blogger

Yep, as usual life got going and I haven't update in ages. Let's see, what is going on here in Cavaland...

+ Timmy started kindergarten! He is having so much fun in his new class and has already made some new friends! He talks a lot about Eden (a friend from preschool!), Mussa, Ryan, and Riley. The days are long and he often comes home an emotional mess, but he is learning so much and his mind is such a sponge. He is sounding out words and trying to spell words on his own. Yesterday he spelled out a-b-l and said, "Look! I spelled apple!" Even though it wasn't even close to most people, I was really impressed by him trying to find the sounds in the word.

+ Natalie started MWF preschool This is going to be the year that will decide if I put her in kindergarten next year or in young 5s. The way she is going now, I can see her going straight into kindergarten, but it's so hard to say. She IS potty trained FINALLY but recently has been having random accidents again, but I remember Timmy doing that at 4. She loves school and has so many little friends to play with, her favorites being Megan, Kenzie, and Ki'ahir.

+ Sammy turned 2 over the summer and he is definitely taking the terrible twos very seriously lately. He is exerting his own will most of the time and yells NO to us a lot, but he is still a very sweet snuggler who jabbers nonstop.

+ We went to the UP with Tim and Nat in August. It was actually a lot of fun with very little issues! We hiked and went to Lake Superior but most of the time we spent our days being lazy at the cabin and enjoying the beautiful weather and scenery. Natalie loved collecting toads in a bucket while Timmy loved fishing and swimming with Chris. I enjoyed not having to chase a two year old, but did miss my Sammy. He spent that week with Grandpa and Grandma C getting to have his own special time being spoiled.

+ We said goodbye to Wriley last week. It was her time, as the saying goes. Her hips were getting really bad and her legs would go out from under her while she walked and her aggression was getting really bad. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Timmy and I were a mess. Every day now we talk about what Wriley and Cooper are doing in Doggy Heaven. We agree that they are usually swimming or eating.

+ I joined a Moms Club through an online friend who actually happens to live by me! I haven't been able to do much with the group yet because Chris was gone to the UP for a few days and then had a work conference for a few more, but I'm really hoping to be able to do some more things with them in October. The ladies are all really nice!

+ I'm starting a new "job" this week! On Thursday mornings I'll be helping with childcare at a church nearby while there is a Bible Study going on. It does pay AND I get to bring my kids with me! Awesome! It may not seem like much, but it's a start! It won't be long and I'll be heading back into the working (out of the home) world and will need some things to plump up my resume considering I haven't worked out of the home since 2008!

That's about all I can think of right now. I'll try to do individual posts about the kids and how they are doing eventually, but for now I am just trying to keep up on any updates!

BTW - I don't plan on making this blog be JUST about the kids - I have so many other things I want to write about - my struggles with weight loss and health troubles, things I like, crafts and what not...but for the most part I do just love writing about my kids and about parenting from the perspective of a flaky mom with her hands full most of the time. I hope people do continue to read even if it does get boring!