Thirty-Four Weeks

Today I am 34 weeks pregnant. Six weeks left until my due date. A lot has been going on with me in the last few weeks, more mentally than physically. First off, The Boy was driving me absolutely nuts last week! He is going through a very defiant stage that seems to also coincide with a very clingy stage. He has learned the art of the temper tantrum and will throw one for no reason. It honestly doesn't bother me most of the time. I know to just let him do his thing and ignore him and that works. It's more the noise of him throwing the fit that gets me. He has never thrown a tantrum outside of the house so far, so at least I haven't had to deal with public humiliation yet.

I've also been overwhelmed with feelings of hopelessness, like I am a terrible mother and won't be able to handle two children when I can barely handle one. This week I have been making a conscious effort to spend one on one time with The Boy the way he wants to spend it (within reason, of course) and that makes him happy. If he wants to carry the crayon bucket around in his mouth, go for it. If he wants to eat finger paints, go for it. Today he has wanted to sit on my lap all day long and play with his easel. That one I don't mind because it doesn't involve pulling things out of his mouth and chasing him around. Plus I get to snuggle and enjoy a cup of "hot" while he is happy pushing buttons.

I am getting very anxious to meet the little girl inside of me. She moves so much more abruptly and regularly than The Boy did. She actually wakes me up at night. Most of the time I enjoy her wiggles, but sometimes they actually get painful and that's when I realize I'm in for trouble from her when she's born.

As for being 34 weeks, I am excited to be one week closer to her birth. Overall I feel great aside from random anxiety, complete exhaustion, and the inability to move at a pace faster than a slow crawl. I can't bend over to tie my shoes anymore and getting up from a sitting position or a lying position takes a lot of effort. I can't complain though; I feel so much better this time around!

On a completely different subject, somehow my blog had been marked as "spam" or written by a robot. I'm honestly not sure how or why they would think that. I've never known a robot to write so eloquently as me. But it meant that I wasn't able to post an entry and I really needed it last week as I went through a mental break down and several days of random crying jags. Those days are over for now, thankfully. We had a break from The Boy and some adult time this weekend. I'm refreshed and looking forward to the new things I can do with my son while it's just the two of us. I'm actually kind of looking forward to how our relationship is going to change when Baby Girl arrives. I picture us enjoying quiet time together (quiet time? The Boy?) while she sleeps and us sharing private jokes of our days together as he gets older. I have never experienced a relationship like that with my son and things I said I'd never do I've done and things I said I'd never let me kid play with I've considered buying for him. I just love to see him happy and can't wait to watch him grow from the early toddler stages into a little boy. He is so amazing and I am so blessed.