Today was not a good day.

Well, yesterday wasn't much better. Baby Girl is in yet another growth spurt and this has been the growth spurt from hell. During the day, both yesterday and today, she hasn't slept for more than 45 minutes at a time and probably averages ten minutes for most naps. I'm sure she'd sleep longer if I held her the entire time, but seeings how I have to take care of The Boy too, it just doesn't work out that way.

She is also eating non-stop. My poor boobies cannot keep up. She will nurse me dry on both sides and then drink another ounce or two from a bottle and be hungry thirty minutes later. This is no joke. My boobies really aren't satisfying her these days and I have a feeling we'll end up where we did with The Boy when he was a month old - supplementing with formula because I couldn't keep up with him. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with formula feeding. I was just really hoping to avoid having to use it so quickly because it's so expensive. I'm trying to push through this with nursing as much as possible and pumping to keep my supply up, but I'm really feeling like a failure because I cannot get her to be full for longer than an hour and I can't get her to sleep for more than forty-five minutes. She won't even sleep on her tummy in the pnp anymore, something she had done so beautifully up until a couple days ago. She would do two two hours naps in the pnp every day for me and just hasn't for a few days now.

As we speak, she just woke up from a thirty minute snooze. I'm just going to go straight for the bottle this time because I'd like to see how much she is actually taking in at a feeding. And some people questioned why I pumped...well, here's your answer - Growth Spurts. And time off for my over-worked boobies.

How many times have I mentioned my boobies so far? Not enough.

BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES!!! MY BOOBIES!!!!

That should suffice.

Anyway, back to my craptacular couple of days. Baby Girl, The Husband, and I were literally up with her all night. I did not get to sleep until 4am and it was pretty crappy sleep at that since I have had to sleep in the recliner to get her to sleep for any length of time. She will not sleep on her back. She will not sleep swaddled. She will not sleep unless she is held and I am not a huge fan of co-sleeping in bed because, if you have met either me or The Husband, we are messy sleepers and The Husband is a very sound sleeper, in more ways than one! I do not trust us to sleep with her in the bed with us. In the recliner I have a system down and I can feel every little move she makes, which is why she sleeps beautifully and I sleep craptastically.

So, there is no red underline beneath craptastically. Is it a word?

Well, after a night of very little sleep, I figured Baby Girl would sleep better today but NOPE. She and The Boy both decided they were just way too cool to sleep and twice today, The Husband has come home to give me a break. I cried all last night. I cried all day today. I am exhausted and I feel like a big fat frickin' failure as a parent. I have yelled [read: screamed] at Timmy for no reason today. I have thrown things. Today was not very pretty.

I am not doing well and could really use some prayers. Please. I can't do this anymore. I am at the very end of my very thin rope and at some point this rope is going to break and my kids will be the victims. Someone is going to have to get the help for me because I am too exhausted to do it myself.