Timmyism #13 - Classic Timmyisms

[one] While watching Youtube videos, the song We Will Rock You by Queen played. Timmy, very seriously, said, "This is a beautiful song."

[two} Chris took Timmy golfing last night. At one point one of Chris's balls ended up in the water and Timmy said, "That could be a big problem, Dad."

[three] Timmy was doing something sneaky and Chris asked Timmy what he was doing. Timmy answered, "Just being Timmy."

[four] Timmy and Natalie were playing with Natalie's Violet dog toy that sings. One of the songs came on that says Natalie's name and Timmy poked Natalie and said, "That's you!"

Thirty-Nine Weeks

I will be 39 weeks pregnant tomorrow. I haven't really been blogging because I figure most people don't want to read about the complaints I have had lately - everyone gets enough of that on facebook and elsewhere. I really don't mean to complain and I try my best to roll with things, but like the end of my pregnancy with Natalie, anxiety has really set it - only worse this time.

It started when there was the risk of facing a c-section due to Baby Boy's position. At 35 weeks we discovered he was transverse. I had a couple more ultrasounds and thankfully he has been staying head down for the most part since 37 weeks. I have also had contractions on and off daily for two weeks now. Sometimes they have become pretty strong and just a few minutes apart, but they always taper off especially if I am able to relax in bed and go to sleep. I did end up in labor and delivery once though - not for contractions, but for bleeding. Turns out the bleeding was just from being checked at my doctor's appointment, but it was still stressful nonetheless.

I am 2cm dilated and thick and have been for weeks now. I feel like the contractions I've endured have done nothing except cause me unnecessary pain, which is another reason I've been frustrated and anxious. I know that you can go from no progress at all to having a baby in just a few short hours, but knowing that my body isn't making the physical progress is frustrating. I also realize that I still have a week until my due date and all a due date is is an estimate - not an expiration date. I am just done. I've had severe hip pain and back pain over the last week, sometimes to the point that I cannot walk or lift my legs and the pain of even rolling over in bed brings me to tears. I've learned this is a condition called Pelvic Girdle Pain. I just do my best to make sure I don't overdo it the way I did on the 4th. Today my hips feel like they are dislocated, but it's not to the point where I can't walk.

I've been feeling so depressed and anxious lately. I've spent so many days in the last couple weeks stuck in crying jags that last for hours. It only takes one thing to set me off whether it's just a bad morning with the kids or the sudden thought that soon I'll have a newborn, a toddler, and a preschooler. I constantly find myself doubting my abilities as a mom and worrying about my relationship with all three kids. I worry that I'll be neglecting all of them for different reasons. I am afraid I won't be able to have that bonding time with Baby Boy because I'll be so busy taking care of Natalie and Timmy. It took me ten months to really start to feel like I had bonded with Natalie and that in itself was part of the cause of my PPD after she was born.

I'm starting on Zoloft to help ward off any strong feelings of depression. The funny thing is, I got the prescription filled two days ago and I've yet to take a pill because I simply haven't remembered. It isn't going to do me any good if it's sitting on the counter unopened. I've also been given the option to induce at the end of the week. It's entirely up to me. Part of me just wants to do the induction to be done with everything and to know that there is an end in sight. Even though knowing that I can plan the day of his (possible) birth, I am still leaning against doing an induction until I'm at least overdue. I still like the idea of possibly having a due date baby and at this point it's only a week away. Plus, there are so many risks involved with having an induction and I really want to avoid having pitocin if I don't have to have it. It is definitely something I am praying about and will have to see how I am feeling by my appointment on Wednesday.

It's not all bad though - knowing that this is most likely the last time I'll be pregnant (Lord willing) I am doing my best to enjoy the endless kicking and rolling from this boy. I know there will be times when I will feel "empty" after he is born. I felt that way so strongly after Timmy was born. I am really looking forward to newborn snuggles.

It is really fun watching Timmy talk to Baby Brother through my tummy and having him feel the baby kick. He is really excited for Baby Brother to come and play :)

I will just have to wait and see what this next week holds for us.

Timmyism #12 - All in One Day

This kid is absolutely full of it today!

[one] "Daddy is awesome because he has a peeper."

[two] "Mommy, I want some chocolate milk!"
"What makes you think you should have some chocolate milk?"
"Because I love you!"

Can't argue with that one...

[three] "I need some beer!"

[four] "Daddy, let's 'go crazy', can we play that?"

[five] "Would you like an ice cube?"
"Yes!"
"Yes..." (trying to get him to say 'yes, please')
"Yes sirree!"

And he still has a couple hours before bedtime! I wonder what else he'll come up with today.

Déjà vu

I'm 34 weeks today. I'm frustrated and I'm nervous. Why? It was around this time that the anxiety and panic attacks I had while pregnant with Natalie started really being a regular occurrence. Today I am full of anxiety and have the fight or flight feeling settled down in the pit of my stomach and I cannot get it to go away. I'm flying off the handle at the kids for no reason - even the sound of them breathing makes me yell at them right now because it sounds a hundred times louder than normal.

I'm frustrated because it seems like my house is falling apart and everything takes twice as long to do because it's done halfway. I go to throw something away to find no trash bag. It starts to rain and I realize one of the dining room chairs is out on the deck. I want to have a pool party with the kids this afternoon but the pools are still filled up from last time so I go to dump them out and I can't lift the big one and it's too heavy for me to empty and it's too humid for me to sit out there and dump the thing out bucket by bucket. I send Timmy outside to play this morning only to realize that the gate is wide open and I find him out front. I can't even grocery shop with the kids anymore because they both sit there and whine and cry for everything or because they want to walk but they refuse to walk nicely or hold onto the cart. I've come to the conclusion that my mother is right; I really can't handle my own kids.

I feel like one epic failure today. Yelling at my kids nonstop really must make them think I hate them. All I want to do is have a fun afternoon with them and I can't. The heat makes me physically sick, and like I said before, I can't even provide them with the pool party that I promised. FAIL.

The biggest part I am struggling with today is that I ended up with PPD after Natalie was born, was put on a drug that made me gain a ton of weight and truly sucked to be on and sucked even more to try and wean off of, and it looks like I'm already halfway there again.

Timmyism #11 - Jesus and Boobies edition.

Timmy just got up from nap and is already full of clever three year old logic that I had to put down before I forget it.

[one] Chris and Timmy were talking about Preschool Pier, Timmy's Sunday School class at church. According to Timmy, Preschool Pier is where, "Jesus loves pretzels and Jesus gives me pretzels."

[two] We were talking to Timmy about Baby Brother and Timmy started asking about what Baby Brother eats and how he eats. "Baby Brother eats Boobies," he told us. Sure, T. Eventually Baby Brother will eat boobies...

Day Three

Chris is in Arizona (for work) this week. We brought him to the airport on Monday morning then went to the viewing park for a little bit to watch planes. They either weren't using the runway we were closest to or no planes were coming in or taking off at that time. We did get to see a couple planes take off from the runway across the field and Timmy was convinced that they were Daddy's planes. I didn't tell him otherwise.

We needed to get out for a bit that afternoon, so I decided to take the kids on a Big Brother/Sister Adventure Day to the mall. When I was pregnant with Timmy I took him to Build-a-Bear to build his own baby. I wanted to do the same for Natalie. She loved it in there and wanted to pick out every animal. The first animal she went for was of course the same dog that Timmy has two of already, so I had her pick out a different animal. She picked a big brown bunny that she named (yes, she named it!) Butterfly. I was going to let Timmy pick another one out but he didn't want to so I didn't argue. Instead I took him to Kohls and he picked out a new loader. I told them these were their gifts from Baby Brother.

We spent the rest of Monday just hanging out and playing. Timmy cried for Daddy for a few minutes at bedtime but then passed out quickly. Nat didn't go to bed as easily and was awake til 9.

We were up bright and early yesterday morning because Natalie had a cough attack due to allergies. Once she was up and around her cough cleared up and she was fine for the rest of the day. We went out to OUAC for a little bit yesterday morning. I found a cute puppy blanket (Gymbo!) for Baby Brother for $1.50! Can't beat that! I also got Natalie a leash for $3.50 and she actually loves it and wants to wear it all the time. We came home and had lunch then the kids went down for rest. When they got up we walked to the store so I could get stuff to make dinner. That was a mistake on my part. Even though it was only a few blocks away my back was killing me when we got back.

My parents picked up the kids for dinner and took them to the park so I had some time to hang out on my own which was awesome and so appreciated. It had been a long day of Timmy peeing in the yard, peeing in his pants, going outside to pee rather than peeing in the bathroom, and other potty-training adventures.

The kids went to bed really well even though they were hyper from being out with Grandma and Grandpa. They both coughed a lot on and off all night though, poor kids. Nat was up around 5 coughing her little head off so I got her a sippy of ice water and that seemed to help.

Today our plans are NOTHING. We are not leaving the house. We are staying here, enjoying the beautiful weather, watching some shows, and taking it easy. We're almost halfway done!

Timmyism #10 The Poop Edition

[one] "I'm pooping butterflies!" Said while *finally* pooping (the tiniest little poop) on the potty.

[two] He has been obsessed with pretending to be a dog lately. This includes doing his potties outside. He finds a pile of dog poop and pees on it. Awesome.

[three] Everything is poop lately. "Mommy are you pooping?" Asked while I'm standing in the kitchen. Yes, Timmy; I'm pooping in the kitchen.

Natalie-ism #1

Natalie has been talking up a storm lately, so I figured it's time for her to get her own "ism" post!

[one] Tonight I was rocking Natalie at bedtime and she started doing a weird little spit followed by "ha ha ha" all breathy-like. She did this about six times then said, "Bye bye!" It was then that I realized she was doing Biz's Beat of the Day.

[two] We went to the park a few days ago. Natalie is such a free-spirit and loves to swing. In words that only a little girl can use, I learned why she loves to swing so much. "Clouds! Clouds! Clouds!" She would reach up high and say "clouds" over and over again. My sweet baby girl was trying to reach the sky! She also started singing Laurie Berkner's song "In the Clouds" while reaching high. She could have sat in that swing all day. Dream big, Baby Girl!

[three] Her life revolves around Yo! Gabba Gabba, if you haven't caught on yet. She and Timmy will sit for several minutes and sing together, "Bite bite bite?" Then the other will reply, "No no no!" "Chomp chomp chomp?" "Yes yes yes!" They do this over and over again. Too bad neither of them have learned from that song that we do not bite our friends...or parents for that matter.

Timmyism #9 Sunday Night Edition

[one] The kids are really into Jack's Big Music Show right now and they play a lot of Laurie Berkner videos. One of the songs she does is called In The Clouds and while watching this video Timmy told me, "I want to play in the clouds, Mommy!" So the other night when the kids were having a bath, I put in a lot of bubbles and told him that he was playing in clouds. This thrilled him.

[two] Our cat Abbey has the tendency to puke if she eats too much or too fast, so one morning last week when I got up and came downstairs, Timmy told me about how Abbey puked and he didn't want to eat the cat puke. EW.

[three] Timmy has been into telling "jokes" and making people laugh. During lunch one afternoon last week he suddenly started saying, "Natalie is a banana!" And the two of them would laugh hysterically. Then he said, "Mommy, you're a...PIANO!" Oh boy, I've got a funny little guy on my hands! At least he thinks so!

28 weeks!

I had my 28 week appointment this morning. Baby's hb was 146 and he was wiggling all over. He appears to be head down now and I hope he stays that way! I'm measuring right on still, so woo hoo!! Perhaps we have a normal-sized baby still baking in there! I asked Dr. VS about the bleeding I had earlier this week and he said it was most likely caused by the coughing and the pressure on my lady bits. The spotting is completely gone now, so yay!

I also saw the PA at my regular doctor's office yesterday about my cough. She said my lungs were clear and it's just coughing left over from bronchitis. She put me on Z-Pak and also told me take Sudafed (I got Walgreens brand...totally forgetting that we already had some at home...DOH!). I also picked up some iron pills and now I feel good and drugged. So far no change in my coughin, but hopefully soon.

I can't believe I'm getting so much closer to having this boy!! I can't wait to see his sweet little face.