Turkey Day!

Tomorrow is Turkey Day!

I think it's going to be a very bittersweet day.

On Monday, Great Grandma C passed away. While it was expected, it doesn't make it any less of a loss for the family. She was a funny, feisty old woman, but from the first day I met her, I loved her. She always had me laughing with the way she would stick her tongue out at her son and still try to mother him. She always asked me how my mom was doing and I will never forget her being absolutely convinced that I wanted to wear her wedding dress in my wedding.

The visitation is on Friday and the funeral on Saturday. I am actually nervous. I don't do well in these situations. Being around grieving people is very difficult for me. I never know what to say and I'm not overly huggy with people. I won't have my kids to hide behind, either. Seeing other adults cry makes me rather uncomfortable.

Please pray for Chris's family this Thanksgiving.

Been awhile...again

It's been quite awhile since I've updated my blog! Whew! In the last couple months, Natalie turned one, Timmy turned 2 and a half (haha!), and I turned 30! WHOA! So old now. :)

Last week Natalie was really sick with a UTI. Her fever hovered around 103 for a few days and spiked up to 105 so we had our first ER visit. The next day she was admitted overnight for IV meds. She's 100% better now, thankfully! Next month we go back to get a VCUG done to check to see if she has VUR.

Now we are just struggling to get her to sleep at night. In the last week I have slept in the chair with her for at least a couple hours three different nights (not to mention the night I spent in the hospital sleeping on a rock hard "bed" in her room). It's been really miserable.

We also struggle most nights with getting Timmy to sleep without him getting out of his bed several times before he finally falls asleep. Right now they are in the same room but we are so tempted to switch the rooms back and share with Natalie again. No one gets any sleep and we haven't for months.

Other than that, we're all just fine and really enjoying the beautiful fall weather! Halloween is in a few days and I am really excited to take the kids trick-or-treating for the first time!

a letter to my daughter

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Originally uploaded by kittenhead66

Dear Natalie,

Tomorrow we leave for the cottage and you won't be back home for over a week. Part of me is super dreading tomorrow because I don't know what to expect with you being away from your comfort zone for so long. I should really be getting you and your brother packed (not you guys literally, haha. Your stuff I mean!) for this next week, but I'm putting it off.

Next week will be the first time that your daddy and I will get a vacation away from you guys. Let me rephrase that in a more positive way - not away from your guys, but without you. I don't like being away from you and your bubby, but at some point it has to happen. I guess I'm putting it off because I really felt more drawn to watching you play this afternoon.

You're growing up way too fast and doing so many new things every day. I'm afraid I'm going to miss something while you're with others. Today you started trying to dress yourself. Your big brother still doesn't know how to do that! You won't be one for three more weeks, and you're already a pro at walking, feeding yourself, and now dressing yourself? What next? Algebra?

You are one of the most independent babies I have ever seen. You will not let anyone help you do anything! Forget baby food, you want big kid stuff! And Heaven-forbid us holding a bottle for you! You are ready for sippies! You are so curious and already creative; you love phones and will use any toy to use as a phone.

There are so many things I want to remember about you at this age and since I haven't kept up on your baby book (BAD MOMMY! Someday I will try to catch up, I promise!), I'll try to remember these things now.

You love your car seat. You don't actually love to be strapped into it, but leave it in the middle of the room and it is the first place you go to relax. You love to try and work the straps yourself.

Patty-cake is your favorite game! You are an old-pro at rolling it. Tossing you up is a great climax to the rolling! I never learned the "toss you way up" part until I met your Grandma C. I always said, "put it in the oven," but I think putting you in the oven wouldn't be as exciting as tossing you up.

Food. You love food. Any food. You eat anything and everything from dill pickles to cottage cheese. Put it in front of you and you will consume it...as long as we don't try to feed it to you!

TIMMY. There is no one else in this world that you love as much as your brother (except Mommy and Daddy perhaps?). You follow him around like he is the only person in this world. The funny thing is, while you should be imitating him, he is the one imitating you. That is just your personalities. He loves his "Noodles" more than anything, too. He loves to give you rides on his dump truck and always brings you toys if he thinks you are sad or bored. Despite the fact that he gets mad at you for taking his cars or he pushes you down, you are already inseparable.

Then, of course, there is Mommy and Daddy. I guess we're just here at your beckon call. Hungry? Have a boob. Tired? Have a snuggle. You are a great little snuggler, but now that you can walk you just want to be on the move all the time!

You are a little chatterbox - when you want to be. No one hears you talk but us. You already say hi, uh-oh, dada, mama, and yes. You also will imitate so many random words when we least expect it!

I can't believe you're almost one. You are a blessing, joy, and the reason I get out of bed. I love you so much, sweet Natty Claire!

Loves,

Mommy

Timmyism #5 (and then some)

On Monday we were getting ready to pick my mom up to spend the day with us and Timmy told me, "Mommy sit in back seat, Timmy DRIIIIIIVE!"

On Monday night, Timmy ripped his shorts off, balled them up, threw them across the room and yelled, "He shoots! He SCOOOORES!! YES!" Thank you, Twist, on Fresh Beat Band.

This morning as I changed his diaper, he told me, "There's a sheep!"
"There's a sheep?" I ask.
"Yes!"
"Where is the sheep?"
"In my bum bum!" He grins.
"There's a sheep in your bum bum?"
"Yes!"

That poor sheep.

Timmyism #4

Timmy is really working on his manipulation and lying skills. Today he has been sooo full of it!!

[one] This morning he asked to have some "ohs" (cheerios) for morning snack, so I got him a bowl of dry ohs and brought them to him. He, in typical toddler manner, started crying and yelled, "NO OHS!" I gently tell him, "You can have ohs because you asked for them, or you can have nothing. He keeps crying so I remind him again, ohs or nothing. He stops crying for a minute, smirks a little, and slyly responds, "OR a fruit bar." STINKER.

[two] He hates to get changed right now, especially if he's poopy. I always tell him that if he cooperates I can get done faster, and he's starting to understand but most of the time he still kicks and puts up a fight when he gets changed. Knowing all of this, when I asked if he was poopy and ready for a change I watched the corners of his mouth turn a little. He tried so hard not to smile when he told me, "No, Mommy, I no poopy." I peeked in his dipe and sure enough, he had himself a healthy poo. STINKER. literally.

[three] Timmy's absolute favorite TV show right now is The Fresh Beat Band. I am so sick to death of Beat Band I could puke, so when I needed him to watch a show so I could get some things done, he asks for Beat Band. I suggest his second favorite show, Team UmiZoomi. He says, "NO! Beat Band!" so I say, "How aboooouuuuuut....UmiZoomi!" He quickly replies, "How aboooooouuuuut, Beat Band!" STINKER!!!

I'm Not That Mom

You know those SAHMs that are able to have the house cleaned before ten a.m. and have not only been able to shower, but all of their children are bathed and dress too? Then they easily leave the house even though the mom is outnumbered by children? They run errands with no issues and even throw in a trip to the park where the kids play nicely together and don't fall off of stuff and get hurt? Then they come home, eat a lunch of homemade macaroni and freshly squeezed lemonade and before the kids settle down for a nap they do an art project together where no one gets messy and the mom smiles and takes pictures of all the new projects? Then when the children wake up from their naps they enjoy a nice snack of raw vegetables with no complaining and then everyone shuffles outside for a nice backyard adventure? Then before Daddy arrives home dinner is in the oven and the children are cleaned up and reading books together?

Yeah...that's not me and those aren't my kids. I lose my mind several times before ten a.m. and I'm lucky to have showered before noon. My kids will be yelled at and sat in time out more times than I can count before we even get to lunch. Lunch will be a battle because my two-year-old is the pickiest eater ever and will only eat a pile of ketchup on some days. And his lunch? Burger King breakfast [btw, BK has the best coffee!]. It's so stinkin' hot these days that I can't bear going outside without getting physically sick [no joke] so my poor kids have to sit inside with the a/c on where we watch several episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba and The Fresh Beat Band because it's the only thing I can do to keep them entertained so I can clean the kitchen or write this blog.

Doing any type of art project takes more set up and cleaning time than it does the amount of time that my children will spend doing the project. I can't even get them to color without eating the crayons [Timmy prefers green...does that count as a veggie?].

So, I'm sorry, Facebook Moms that always have great status updates about all the fun stuff you've done with your kids. You're either some sort of miraculous being or your full of it...and you know what I mean.

Spotted Summer

At the endof May, Timmy & Natalie both came down with high fevers for no apparent reason. Nat's was around 102 and Timmy's got as high as 104. Nat's fever came on first, and because it wouldn't stay down and she was unbearably cranky, I took her into the doc to find out she had an ear infection. We got a script for Amoxicillin and were on our way. Within a day or two, Timmy's fever came on fast and furious. He had been refusing to eat and was unusually cranky and snuggly. I took the kids to see my sister (she's a PA), since it was the weekend, and as she was looking at Timmy, spots started forming on his face, hands and feet. She knew immediately that it was HFMD.

A few days after that, Natalie suddenly came down with a case of a spotted rash all over her body. I wasn't sure if she had HFMD or hives, so I took her to the doc and sure enough, she had hives as a reaction to the Amoxicillin. She was spotted from head to toe!



To top it off, it wasn't even two days later and Chris came down with HFMD. It's rare in adults, but I guess in my house we must share everything. It took awhile, but after a week or two, everyone was feeling better.

Until last week. I noticed that Timmy & Nat both had terrible spotty diaper rashes again and soon enough, little spots started forming on Natalie's face, hands, and feet. She had finally gotten HFMD. I looked at Timmy and he had little blisters on his hands and feet and was eating terribly at dinner again.

My kids both had HFMD - Timmy for the second time. Well, this time, I got it. My mouth is in so much pain and my throat is sore. I can't eat, talk, or swallow comfortably. I have little pokey blisters on my hands and feet. Why did we have to have such a spotty summer?

Ten Months and Walking

Did I mention Natalie's last milestone? That's right - she's walking! She started taking a few steps right around when she turned ten months old on the first, but now she's all over the place! She gets upset if she has to sit still even if that means squirming away and streaking around the house because she rolled away mid-diaper change.

Timmyism #3

It's way past Timmy's bedtime, but he's being so good we don't want to interrupt his fun playing. What is he doing?

"I drive black car!" This can go one of two ways - really good or really bad. Thankfully this time it's really good...and really funny! "I get my shoes."

"We're not going outside right now, Timmy," I tell him, but he is way ahead of me. He quickly steps into Daddy's work shoes, on the wrong feet of course. Then he says, "I get my keys!" To make him happy, I hand him Daddy's keys. He shuffles to the door and tries to turn the knob.

"I go to work now. Bye Mommy, see you later." After a minute he turns and shuffles across the room. "I home now. I go to food store." After a minute he turns around and announces, "I home now."

This whole scenario repeats itself for, well, we're going on twenty minutes now. Occasionally he stops to yell, "Bye Mom. See you later. Bye Daddy, Mommy. Bye, Mom, Dad." Then he adds, "Have a good shopping trip, Adios Daddy."

At one point he climbed onto one of his riding toys and tried to drive it with Daddy's shoes on, jingling the keys happily. He keeps telling us he's driving Daddy's black car.

Updating: Now he's not only going to work and to the food store, he's going downtown! This kid kills me.

Timmyism #2

Timmy: Bye, Mommy! See you later!
Me: Where are you going?
Timmy: I drive car to work! I go to work!
Me: Where do you go to work?
Timmy: Drive car to work.
Me: What do you do for your job?
Timmy: Drive cars!

Maybe he's a valet?

Timmyism #1

Timmy had been begging for a sucker all morning. He kept asking for one and I kept telling him no. Finally, I needed to change him so I told him, "Let's change you first then we can discuss a sucker." After I change him he looks up at me and says, "Let's talk about that sucker."

Letter to Timothy

Dear Timothy,

Huh...I'd have never thought that a song I have so fervently made fun of for a few years now would have found a new meaning in my life. Right now I am in the midst of weaning from a very powerful drug and you are catching the brunt of my symptoms. All you want to do is "cuggle" and read books with me, but right now anyone coming within a foot of my personal space is likely to catch a right hook upside the head. I have very little patience for anything and you, being two, already push every single button possible in a mommy's life.

Like I said, I never thought that a song I hated so much would find it's way into my life at just the moment I needed to hear it - and I found a new meaning in it and for us.

"I hope you know, I hope you know, that this has nothing to do with you. It's personal, myself and I, we've got some straightenin' out to do."

Truly, Timmy, it has nothing to do with you. You've been sweet and loving, funny and joyful. You always know how to make me laugh and your super duper bear hugs are such a comfort when I'm at the end of my rope.

I love you, Baby Boy.

"Yes, you can hold my hand if you want to, cuz I want to hold yours too."

Love, Mommy

Another Milestone

So I'm in the shower, happy for a moment's peace while the kids watch Backyardigans downstairs, all gated up and locked in. I step into the shower and I hear Timmy talking to me. The curtain swings open and he grins at me. This means that either he or Wriley knocked the gate down. I try to hurry because Natalie has been learning how to go up the steps but isn't very steady on them yet. She made it up five or six steps yesterday and I didn't want her to start climbing and then fall down the stairs.

As I wash my hair in super speed, I hear a giggle. This isn't the giggle of a little boy, but the proud giggle from a little girl. "Man, she's loud," I think to myself, assuming she's at the bottom of the stairs. The curtain swings open again and I see the grin of a little girl who has made it up both sets of stairs to join me in the bathroom. Yep, I officially have a stair-climber!

BTDT Moms, I need your help!

I feel like I'm losing it over here. Natalie's sleep habits have gotten all screwy and it's really hard these days to get her to take a really good nap and at night it's hard to get her to go to sleep without having to let her cry - and even when we do let her cry, it's unbearable because her cries sound like she's in agony. Last night I ended up sleeping in the chair with her all night like she was a newborn. It was the only way I could get her to sleep and let me get some sleep too.

All morning Natalie has cried and cried and she's been hysterical. The only time I got a break from her crying is when I took the kids on a walk and had her in the Sleepy Wrap. I couldn't keep her in the wrap for too long because my back was already sore from the gym yesterday. I had her totally asleep this morning after I nursed her and got her into the crib and like always, she immediately woke up and screamed. If I didn't have to take care of Timmy, too, I would have loved to just held her and rocked her while she slept but I can't do that very well with him up too. It's so frustrating!

I'm honestly not sure if it's separation anxiety, another ear infection, or reflux. A few times last week after I nursed her in the morning she spit up, something she hasn't done since she was just a couple months old. She just can't be consoled, even when she's held. It's like she has colic at nine months old.

If anyone has any advice (nicely given please) or even just some comforting words, I'll take it!

Amendment

In my blogs of yesteryear there were many a post pertaining to my mother and the fact that she is stone cold crazy. Today I have to make an amendment. For a couple years now, I've had my mom over to visit for the day probably about once a month, give or take. In these past couple of years my mom has been hospitalized several times, but I am proud to say it has been almost a year since her last hospitilization! I'd kinda like to think I have a tiny bit to do with that. I've made a big effort to involve her in my life and to visit her, have her babysit, have her over, etc. As someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, it's hard to know what type of mom I'm going to get on any certain day, but really she has made some big changes and is really loosening up and making a huge effort to not like her BPD take over her life. Sure, she has moments where she's letting it get the best of her, but quite honestly, I've really enjoyed spending time with my mom lately and it hasn't been forced.

So, to all the people that have read past blogs or know my mom personally, please know that my mom has a mental disease - most of what she does or says is not meant. She is really one of the most compassionate and open people I've met. She's sweet and forgiving and has a funny sense of humor. Really, she just wants people to like her and wants to like everyone she meets. So while there may be times in the past and times in the future that I complain about her, I'm allowed. She's my mom. But if anyone has anything to say about my mom you better watch it!

ultimate love

This morning at church I witnessed the most genuine love I've ever seen. My eyes are always drawn to the babies during the service and Chris can always expect me to gush and whisper with a sigh, "Baby!" followed by "I miss my babies."

As the service was ending, we were all standing and singing songs, nothing new. I looked across the aisle and saw the sweetest scene I have ever seen in my life. I was literally brought to tears at the sight of the most genuine love I have ever seen...like I already said.

Remember the scenes in Titanic as the boat is sinking and people have pretty much figured out they're going to die? First there's the scene of the mother reading to her children then the scene of the old couple holding each other in bed. Take those two moments and squish them together and you have what I saw...sorta.

What I saw was a sweet little boy, maybe a year old, sleeping, snuggled between his grandparents. Grandma had one of his hands in hers and she caressed the top of his hand with her thumb, her head leaning over his. On the other side of the little boy was Grandpa, gently rubbing the little boy's other arm, his head also leaning over the little boy's head so that his head was almost bumping his wife's.

Besides the word love, the other word that comes to mind when I saw them was "safe." That is one little boy who was completely at peace and even as he woke up to the sounds of drums and guitars blasting through the shed, there was not a moment of fear in his eyes. He snuggled back in between them, sharing their laps, and went back to sleep. How safe he must've felt there in their arms, both of them smiling as they hugged their grandson. Honestly, I'm not sure, but these could have even been his great-grandparents. The couple had to be in their 80s and we saw the little boy before the service with another woman we assumed to be his grandma (she was carrying a bag with his face on it, typical grandma fashion).

That little boy is going to grow up never having any doubt that he is loved.

Puzzles

My Grama C (aka Grma Shorty, Grama Graham Cracker, Grammy) passed away in September 2006. It was a tough time for my family, and the fact that she didn't want a service made it harder for us to get closure. It was something we all had to figure out how to do on our own.

I decided that I would celebrate my Gram's life by buying a special puzzle and putting it together in her honor. It was something we loved to do together. In fact, there were several things that were special in our family. I'm sure they're all pretty generic in peoples' lives, but for the sake of my story, I'm making it feel like it's special for us.

First, besides jigsaw puzzles, there's Penny Press. My mom and I both LOVE to do these books. She orders boxes of these puzzle books and splits them up for us and we sit and do crosswords and all sorts of other word puzzles. My sister and brother both like to do these books too and enjoy soduko puzzles. Is it soduko? Sudoku? I don't remember, but you know what I mean.

Then there's Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. Every night you could find my Grama watching these shows. Even now my husband and I record Jeopardy every night and watch every episode. I think I'm getting smarter from watching it. I'm also finding that there are some really dorky people in the world and they chose to tell their stories on this show. Seriously, no one gives a crap if you have twelve cats and one's name is - get this - FLUFFY!

The main thing that is special between my Gram and me was a simple little card game that I invented when I was four. It was called, "If you get a two you win." It was really easy. Basically, the first person to have a two dealt to them won. My grammy would play this with me for hours on end, ever patient with the hyper four year old that I was.

She was something special and on quiet afternoons I find myself thinking about her. I think it's about time I pick out a puzzle and put it together. Now if only I can keep my kids from eating the pieces.

Growing Up

Timmy has now had his hair cut a total of five times. That poor boy, each time he has it done he is even more and more mortified. For a kid that was born bald and stayed bald for over a year, he sure has a ton of hair now! He looks so sweet and so much older now that it's cut again though. So bittersweet. When he talks he even sounds older to me now, even though Word Book is still Urd Gook and New Bed is still Doo Ded. I still find it hard to believe that I am the mother of a two year old. Some days with him are so trying that I can't believe I went on to have another baby, but most days are entertaining and full of wet kisses and giggles. I love my little boy!

Yep...

I let another month go by without blogging. Can you believe I'm busy with two kids? Teehee. Natalie is almost eight months old now and is working so hard on crawling. She goes from sitting to the crawling position, but only goes backwards. As I type this I am watching her on the floor try so hard to go from sitting to the crawling position but getting stuck on her leg. She's wanting to reach a book...McDuff, one of Timmy's favorite books. The McDuff series is by the same author that created Max and Ruby, one of Tim's favored shows. I just wish that out of the two choices, McDuff would have been put into a TV series. I mean, come on, Max and Ruby don't even have parents!

Our bathroom is in the process of being remodeled and it feels like it's taking forever. Right now the hold up is us - we're supposed to paint. I don't think we took into consideration just how tough it would be to find the time to actually paint with these kiddos around. I think we need to find an all day sitter sometime this week so we can get this bathroom painted, then it will just come down to the finishing touches. I am so excited!

Timmy turned two last month. He had a great joint birthday party with his cousin, Karson, who turned six. I felt bad because I couldn't deliver the great birthday presents that most people give to their kids. I got most of his birthday presents from Once Upon a Child, Ebay, and Etsy. He doesn't care that they're used and honestly, I don't either - but I feel like people think I'm just plain white trash and poor if I just give my kids used stuff. I know this isn't the case, but when there are people I know that are able to provide for their children an extravagent party with all the fixings including swingsets and professional photographers, I tend to feel like less of a parent.

Silly, aren't I? =]

Natalie made it onto her tummy and now she's mad that she's on her tummy and not going anywhere. She's as silly as her mommy.

I'm participating in a Care Dare on JM. I realize that I have two kids, but Timmy is the one who seems to be most in need of one-on-one care. Today's challenge was to read twenty minutes with him. By 9:30 I think we had thirty minutes already pounded out. This boy loves to read! I just wish he could sometimes just look at a book on his own, yet I love that he wants to read with us - his parents - because I know that he isn't going to always want to be with us.

Tomorrow's challenge is to do something artsy with our children. Tim really isn't an artsy kid. He doesn't really enjoy coloring or anything like that, but maybe I'll pull out the finger paints and let him go to town outside if the weather is nice. Last time he just ate the finger paints. He's as silly as his sister and his mommy.

A Very Long Hiatus

I took a very long hiatus from blogging. It was unintentional, just like it always is. I've started so many blogs, deleted them once I become bored, then started over again when I felt the urge to blog. I almost deleted this one only to start over again because it's too hard for me to not use my childrens' names. The OCD in my hates inconsistency and while I like the idea of using nicknames rather than real names for my family members, it is too hard for me to keep up doing that. Besides, the people reading this blog already know the real names of everyone in my life. That is the main reason I nearly deleted this blog rather than just continuing - going from nicknames to real names would make my blog inconsistent.

So, here I go again. Making another attempt to keep up on blogging. Silly me.