Stress.

I have been under a lot of stress; family issues, personal issues, you name it. Christmas is closing in and I have such a mess of clutter down in the basement that I need to go through and get wrapped and so many projects I still need to undertake with very little time to do so.

Add to it that I came down with the flu or something equally sucky over the last few days. Fever of nearly 102, terrible head cold, body aches, the whole shebang. I've felt so terrible and while I'm slowly feeling better, I'm still not feeling great.

To top it off, the kids have been unbearable. They collapsed Natalie's SECOND crib tent this morning (thankfully Chris salvaged it), Timmy has been peeing in his underwear for no apparent reason, Natalie is going through a stubborn hitting phase, and neither of them listen at all anymore. I do realize it comes with the age, but with so much stress I've been dealing with, it doesn't help.

Chris hasn't been feeling great either, so thankfully my parents came to the rescue and took Timmy and Natalie for the night. I should have some time tomorrow to go through the things in the basement and maybe make a few things.

It got to the point today where I deactivated my facebook account before I vented something and regretted what I said. I'll probably reactivate it tomorrow or Wednesday when I'm feeling a little better. A break is good every so often.

I'm excited to start the New Year off right. I have so many new ideas and goals for 2012. First, I won't be doing 365 with Timmy and Natalie. I'll continue it with Sammy because for now I can still just snap away and he doesn't care. The other two are sick of pictures. I thought I'd also start a new 365 project where I take a picture of the same item every day. I already have this picked out but won't unveil anything until the New Year.

As far as weight loss goes, I'm at a stand still and not going to worry about it until the holidays are done. I did weigh myself today with the fear that I'd gained a ton but I was at 162.5 so I can't complain! Being sick helps I'm sure, haha!

Another goal for 2012 is going to be to actually blog more, spend less time on facebook and the computer all together, and to work hard at being the mommy and wife I've always wanted to be. I need to hold myself accountable and I need others to hold me accountable to keeping with my goals.

In other news, Sammy has started eating solids! This child lives to eat and loves to eat. He is constantly on the boob so I thought that I'd start him on solids and see if he was ready and boy was he! He polished off a whole thing of bananas at dinner tonight! He loves it. He's so funny! He opens his mouth as wide as it can go and sticks his tongue all the way out in anticipation of the next bite. He's so unlike Natalie in this sense where with her I had to force her mouth open and finally gave up and she didn't eat solids until she was nearly eight months old.

As much as I love the holidays, I am looking forward to being done with them this year. I can't wait to start fresh in 2012!

Laundry Fun!

I know, how can laundry be fun? Well, it is when you're mean. First of all, I actually love folding clothes. I am an odd duck.

Anyway, the point of my thread is to announce that I have gone all domestic and frugal even more by making my own laundry detergent! The wonderful girls over at Recycled Soup posted this recipe for making your own soap!

I cut their recipe in half and used 4 cups of washing soap, baking soda, and bar soap and 6 cups of Borax. I also used only 1/2 oz of fragrance oil (I found a nice Rain scent at Meijer, but it smelled really strong in the jar so I didn't want to over do it).

The most tedious part of the process is "shaving" or "shredding" the Fels-Naptha, but the kids had a blast "helping" me do it. They pretending to be shredding the soap while I really was doing it (with a Dollar Tree cheese shredder) and while I was shredding it the kids and I came up with a name for our very own Laundry Soap. Are you ready for this?

Lightning McPlex.

Yep - Lightning McQueen for Timmy and Plex for Natalie LOL.

I also have the ingredients to try out the fabric softener, but didn't make it yet. I will whip it up tomorrow and run my first load with my new soap and softener!

Revamp!

My blog has had an official REVAMP! My favorite color is PURPLE (no one got this right during my recent "how well you know me" status on FB) so I really wanted an "icy" and purple themed blog layout. I found a background I liked online and my awesome friend Lesha, aka BUDDY, from Recycled Soup (one half of this awesome blog, another awesome friend, Amy, shares this blog with her) hooked me up with this great creation! I was actually inspired by my beautiful niece, Alex, and her color guard outfit:

I love these colors and I love winter and cold weather...I know...what is wrong with me!? Anyway, I hope you love the new look as much as I do!

Monday Weigh-in

I have really slacked off over the last week. Eating ice cream snacks and had some pop. UGH. Despite all that I am down to 163, so that's a start! I was 165 two weeks ago, so even though I haven't lost much at least it's not going up!

I had an appointment this morning and sat down in the room and across from me was a huge mirror I looked so....UGH....fat and rolly polly. Yuck. I am so sick of feeling so down on myself for being so out of shape. Having three kids in the last four years has really taken a toll on my body and while I'd do it again, I wish I'd have worked harder at keeping the weight down.

One thing that I know would help me feel better about myself is, once again, having clothes that fit me properly. I take all the time to build great wardrobes for my kids but never take the time to do anything nice for myself. It doesn't help that I am totally clueless as to what to buy that would look good on me and I don't have the money to spend. I wish I could have someone shop for me and dress me up and make me look good because I don't know how to do it for myself. I want to be one of those moms that looks as good as her kids but I just don't. I wear the same two outfits to church each week. I'm sure the people around me assume I don't have any other clothes, which is pretty much true. I bought myself a couple new pairs of jeans a couple months ago - then I gained twenty pounds and I can't get them on past my fat thighs. The jeans I do have that fit are old, have holes in them, and stains. I look like SAHM Trash.

Anyway...I don't mean to complain. I am working hard towards becoming the Mom I want to be inside and out and I do love myself. I'm pretty rad. I think I'm pretty, but only from the neck up. When I'm done breast-feeding I would love to be able to have a breast reduction. And a tummy tuck. And while we're at it, how about a nose job?

Three. The age.

Wow. Three is certainly a trying age. Timmy has been going back and forth between being a funny, sweet, clever boy and being a stone's throw away from being sent to live with a pack of wolves. Today all he did was complain and whine to the point that I had to just laugh to keep myself from screaming at him. He wants ice cream, no he wants pie, no he wants both, no he wants neither. He's so fickle. I think that's a good word for it.

The sad thing is, Natalie is already like this at age two. I am praying that she's getting the threes out of her system now so that when she is three she'll be done with this. But I've also been warned that it never goes away. I don't know about that, but what I do know is that something in this house has to change or my head is going to start spinning.

Yuck.

Before I get into the point of my post, just have to say I am still working on a new title and blog layout for my blog. I realize my baby is four months old (today!) but I am slow at these things.

Anyway. Last week I actually buckled down and started on some new goals as the first step towards my weight loss journey and for the most part I did pretty well. The basic "rules" are no eating after 8pm, no pop or alcohol (though a little wine or wine cooler is okay, nothing hard), and pretty much just eating smaller portions at meal time and less snacking in between. I've also been making a point to drink a glass of water each time I go into the kitchen. Some days I'm better at this than others.

I started out last Monday at 165 and on Friday was 163.5, so that's a start.

Today we had Sammy's dedication at church. My sister took pics for me and I just got them put over onto the computer and man...I look so grossly overweight and frumpy. My self confidence has plummeted once again just reminding me of how much I really need to focus. So tomorrow, not only will I continue with my better eating habits, but I will also be adding as much exercise to the regimine as I can. I'll try to do the shred a few times a week as well as some walking and other workout videos I can find. I know that there are some free things on demand.

I am so sick of being the fat one of all my friends and family. I used to be the thin one that everyone accused of having an eating disorder. Why can't I just find a happy medium?

Something I don't talk about

Today I am going to talk about something I don't talk about very often - me. Most of the time I write about my kids because, well, let's face it - I 'm a mom; that's what I do.

But today we are going to talk about me and how I am fluffy. I am overweight and aside from the luck I get of having Hyperthyroidism while pregnant, when I'm not pregnant all I do is continue to gain weight.

I must admit, I am pretty lazy when it comes to actually trying hard to lose weight. Last year I had a membership at a gym and I'd go ride the bike or do the elliptical for an hour a few times a week and was able to maintain my weight, but couldn't lose a pound. After I had Sammy I was down to 145. ONE. FORTY. FIVE. That is 25 pounds under what I was when I got pregnant with him. ONE FORTY-FIVE. He was born in July. It is now November and my weight? 165. I have gained back 20 pounds. While some women might look forward to being back at their pre-preggo weight, I do not. I do not want to be back at pre-preggo weight.

I eat like I've never eaten before. I snack. I eat what I can when I can because when you have little ones, it's hard to actually sit and enjoy a meal. Therein lies the problem - I overeat. A lot. I eat at midnight. I eat at all hours of the day.

I don't exercise regularly. I like to take walks, but it's just not easy to take a walk with three kids when two need to be in either a wrap or a stroller and one could go in a stroller but refuses and keeping him by me is a challenge.

I made a new account at www.myfitnesspal.com and used it for one day. I really need to buckle down, focus, and really work hard towards my goal. Today I weighed 165. I'd love to be 135 again. That is 30 pounds to lose. I think I'm going to start with small goals with small rewards. I am also going to work really hard on portion control and not snacking so much. I need to drink a lot more water and a lot less pop. And I need to start exercising. I bet I can get the kids involved with that. Maybe they'll do the shred with me :)

If all else fails, I'll just bench press my kids a few times a day.

Baby Tres!

I just realized that I never actually announced Baby Tres' arrival on my blog!

Samuel Harrison was born on July 13, 2011, at 4:53pm. He weighed 6lbs 9oz and was 18" long.

To make a very long birth story relatively shorter, I'll attempt to give you the abridged version.

I had been having contractions on and off for several weeks - some that were incredibly intense and timeable and others that were just kind of annoying. I was also dealing with the issue that he was transverse up until the end and would constantly flip around.

On Monday, July 11, 2011, I started having regular contrax again that were lasting anywhere from 30-60 seconds and were about 3-7 minutes apart. They were getting more and more intense as time went on, so in the middle of the night, very early Tuesday morning, Chris and I headed into the hospital (G&G C came to stay with T&N).

I was dilated to 1-2 at that point and was told to do some walking, so that's what we did - walked. I was checked again and made it to a three, so we did some more walking, I had a bath, and they checked me again but I had made no progress. They monitored me for awhile but I wasn't making anymore progress, so they prepared to discharge me. At that point I was starting to feel really sick and had a terrible headache, like I had been drinking for days and had a killer hangover. They gave me a shot of Phenargan and sent me on my way. We got home around 7am on Tuesday the 12th and I was feeling terrible. I attempted to sleep for awhile but was still incredibly nauseous and felt like I couldn't breathe. I eventually threw up and could barely walk down the stairs so Chris brought me back to the ER.

Throughout the day the contractions continued but I was still making no progress so we decided to just do an induction. I was admitted to the hospital and wouldn't be leaving without my baby at that point, so there was relief there but I was really nervous about the induction. They started the pitocin around 7am on the 13th and by 4pm I was ready to push, but had to keep holding him in because my doc was trying to do two deliveries at once! Eventually we couldn't wait anymore so the back-up doc delivered my sweet son. At the time I didn't know, but he was born posterior. No wonder I wasn't making any progress!

He ended up with some pretty bad colic for several weeks, but regular trips to the chiropractor really helped him. He has these amazing chubby cheeks, eyes that have a slight slant to them (he looks slightly Asian LOL!) and the softest, fluffiest, tiniest bit of light brown hair.

He smiled at 7 weeks and now regularly smiles and laughs, especially if you make him clap his hands or you sing to him. He likes Pink Panther and Max and Ruby.

He is really upset at this moment, so I have to go and feed the little guy!

Bad Blogger.

I've been a bad blogger. I haven't updated in ages! I suppose I have a pretty cute excuse is my now three-month-old baby boy! I can't believe my Sammy is three months old! He is the sweetest little thing despite us having to deal with so many issues in those short months.

He had colic. Bad. We're talking nonstop screaming for hours without any consoling. Thankfully he has outgrown that. He is an entirely different baby now. He is pretty calm and just wants to be held for the most part. He is so snuggly and smile-y - even though he didn't start smiling til 7 weeks! He is a chunker which I LOVE. Timmy was a chunker, but not like this! Natalie never went through a chunky phase. She's still a peanut. We also had a ton of breastfeeding issues at first, like he wouldn't latch at all and we eventually were able to nurse with nipple shields but I am glad to see that is all behind us now!

Timmy is in preschool now! He is a very smart, funny, and clever boy. He loves to act out his fave TV shows and movies (WordWorld, The Brave Little Toaster, The Fox and the Hound Two) and could spend all day outside just riding his bike up and down the driveway. He comes up with the funniest things to say and he absolutely dotes on his baby brother. Natalie is still his best friend even though at preschool his best friends are Lucas and Ryan and at preschool pier his best friend is Elijah. His cousins Peter, Andrew, and Karson are his heroes. He still has his moments, but I'm happy to say that he is slowly outgrowing the terrible threes. He tries to help out even though sometimes it's not helpful at all. He is really big into pretending and role-playing - some of his funniest things to pretend are that he's a Jimmy John's delivery car.

If Natalie were old enough, she'd be going to preschool right along with Timmy. She is precocious, sassy, and downright hilarious. She is bossy and independent and knows just what she wants. She is still a free-spirited little monkey but her vocabulary has really exploded over the last few months. She's kinda hard to understand most of the time unless you know her, but boy oh boy does she talk and does she love to tell people what to do! Yet she's still incredibly affectionate, sweet, and snuggly. She loves to read and loves to play with her babies. She is a little girl who amazes me more and more each day.

So...that's about it with what's going on with the kiddos! They're crazy, sweet, and the reason I get up each day.

Timmyism #13 - Classic Timmyisms

[one] While watching Youtube videos, the song We Will Rock You by Queen played. Timmy, very seriously, said, "This is a beautiful song."

[two} Chris took Timmy golfing last night. At one point one of Chris's balls ended up in the water and Timmy said, "That could be a big problem, Dad."

[three] Timmy was doing something sneaky and Chris asked Timmy what he was doing. Timmy answered, "Just being Timmy."

[four] Timmy and Natalie were playing with Natalie's Violet dog toy that sings. One of the songs came on that says Natalie's name and Timmy poked Natalie and said, "That's you!"

Thirty-Nine Weeks

I will be 39 weeks pregnant tomorrow. I haven't really been blogging because I figure most people don't want to read about the complaints I have had lately - everyone gets enough of that on facebook and elsewhere. I really don't mean to complain and I try my best to roll with things, but like the end of my pregnancy with Natalie, anxiety has really set it - only worse this time.

It started when there was the risk of facing a c-section due to Baby Boy's position. At 35 weeks we discovered he was transverse. I had a couple more ultrasounds and thankfully he has been staying head down for the most part since 37 weeks. I have also had contractions on and off daily for two weeks now. Sometimes they have become pretty strong and just a few minutes apart, but they always taper off especially if I am able to relax in bed and go to sleep. I did end up in labor and delivery once though - not for contractions, but for bleeding. Turns out the bleeding was just from being checked at my doctor's appointment, but it was still stressful nonetheless.

I am 2cm dilated and thick and have been for weeks now. I feel like the contractions I've endured have done nothing except cause me unnecessary pain, which is another reason I've been frustrated and anxious. I know that you can go from no progress at all to having a baby in just a few short hours, but knowing that my body isn't making the physical progress is frustrating. I also realize that I still have a week until my due date and all a due date is is an estimate - not an expiration date. I am just done. I've had severe hip pain and back pain over the last week, sometimes to the point that I cannot walk or lift my legs and the pain of even rolling over in bed brings me to tears. I've learned this is a condition called Pelvic Girdle Pain. I just do my best to make sure I don't overdo it the way I did on the 4th. Today my hips feel like they are dislocated, but it's not to the point where I can't walk.

I've been feeling so depressed and anxious lately. I've spent so many days in the last couple weeks stuck in crying jags that last for hours. It only takes one thing to set me off whether it's just a bad morning with the kids or the sudden thought that soon I'll have a newborn, a toddler, and a preschooler. I constantly find myself doubting my abilities as a mom and worrying about my relationship with all three kids. I worry that I'll be neglecting all of them for different reasons. I am afraid I won't be able to have that bonding time with Baby Boy because I'll be so busy taking care of Natalie and Timmy. It took me ten months to really start to feel like I had bonded with Natalie and that in itself was part of the cause of my PPD after she was born.

I'm starting on Zoloft to help ward off any strong feelings of depression. The funny thing is, I got the prescription filled two days ago and I've yet to take a pill because I simply haven't remembered. It isn't going to do me any good if it's sitting on the counter unopened. I've also been given the option to induce at the end of the week. It's entirely up to me. Part of me just wants to do the induction to be done with everything and to know that there is an end in sight. Even though knowing that I can plan the day of his (possible) birth, I am still leaning against doing an induction until I'm at least overdue. I still like the idea of possibly having a due date baby and at this point it's only a week away. Plus, there are so many risks involved with having an induction and I really want to avoid having pitocin if I don't have to have it. It is definitely something I am praying about and will have to see how I am feeling by my appointment on Wednesday.

It's not all bad though - knowing that this is most likely the last time I'll be pregnant (Lord willing) I am doing my best to enjoy the endless kicking and rolling from this boy. I know there will be times when I will feel "empty" after he is born. I felt that way so strongly after Timmy was born. I am really looking forward to newborn snuggles.

It is really fun watching Timmy talk to Baby Brother through my tummy and having him feel the baby kick. He is really excited for Baby Brother to come and play :)

I will just have to wait and see what this next week holds for us.

Timmyism #12 - All in One Day

This kid is absolutely full of it today!

[one] "Daddy is awesome because he has a peeper."

[two] "Mommy, I want some chocolate milk!"
"What makes you think you should have some chocolate milk?"
"Because I love you!"

Can't argue with that one...

[three] "I need some beer!"

[four] "Daddy, let's 'go crazy', can we play that?"

[five] "Would you like an ice cube?"
"Yes!"
"Yes..." (trying to get him to say 'yes, please')
"Yes sirree!"

And he still has a couple hours before bedtime! I wonder what else he'll come up with today.

Déjà vu

I'm 34 weeks today. I'm frustrated and I'm nervous. Why? It was around this time that the anxiety and panic attacks I had while pregnant with Natalie started really being a regular occurrence. Today I am full of anxiety and have the fight or flight feeling settled down in the pit of my stomach and I cannot get it to go away. I'm flying off the handle at the kids for no reason - even the sound of them breathing makes me yell at them right now because it sounds a hundred times louder than normal.

I'm frustrated because it seems like my house is falling apart and everything takes twice as long to do because it's done halfway. I go to throw something away to find no trash bag. It starts to rain and I realize one of the dining room chairs is out on the deck. I want to have a pool party with the kids this afternoon but the pools are still filled up from last time so I go to dump them out and I can't lift the big one and it's too heavy for me to empty and it's too humid for me to sit out there and dump the thing out bucket by bucket. I send Timmy outside to play this morning only to realize that the gate is wide open and I find him out front. I can't even grocery shop with the kids anymore because they both sit there and whine and cry for everything or because they want to walk but they refuse to walk nicely or hold onto the cart. I've come to the conclusion that my mother is right; I really can't handle my own kids.

I feel like one epic failure today. Yelling at my kids nonstop really must make them think I hate them. All I want to do is have a fun afternoon with them and I can't. The heat makes me physically sick, and like I said before, I can't even provide them with the pool party that I promised. FAIL.

The biggest part I am struggling with today is that I ended up with PPD after Natalie was born, was put on a drug that made me gain a ton of weight and truly sucked to be on and sucked even more to try and wean off of, and it looks like I'm already halfway there again.

Timmyism #11 - Jesus and Boobies edition.

Timmy just got up from nap and is already full of clever three year old logic that I had to put down before I forget it.

[one] Chris and Timmy were talking about Preschool Pier, Timmy's Sunday School class at church. According to Timmy, Preschool Pier is where, "Jesus loves pretzels and Jesus gives me pretzels."

[two] We were talking to Timmy about Baby Brother and Timmy started asking about what Baby Brother eats and how he eats. "Baby Brother eats Boobies," he told us. Sure, T. Eventually Baby Brother will eat boobies...

Day Three

Chris is in Arizona (for work) this week. We brought him to the airport on Monday morning then went to the viewing park for a little bit to watch planes. They either weren't using the runway we were closest to or no planes were coming in or taking off at that time. We did get to see a couple planes take off from the runway across the field and Timmy was convinced that they were Daddy's planes. I didn't tell him otherwise.

We needed to get out for a bit that afternoon, so I decided to take the kids on a Big Brother/Sister Adventure Day to the mall. When I was pregnant with Timmy I took him to Build-a-Bear to build his own baby. I wanted to do the same for Natalie. She loved it in there and wanted to pick out every animal. The first animal she went for was of course the same dog that Timmy has two of already, so I had her pick out a different animal. She picked a big brown bunny that she named (yes, she named it!) Butterfly. I was going to let Timmy pick another one out but he didn't want to so I didn't argue. Instead I took him to Kohls and he picked out a new loader. I told them these were their gifts from Baby Brother.

We spent the rest of Monday just hanging out and playing. Timmy cried for Daddy for a few minutes at bedtime but then passed out quickly. Nat didn't go to bed as easily and was awake til 9.

We were up bright and early yesterday morning because Natalie had a cough attack due to allergies. Once she was up and around her cough cleared up and she was fine for the rest of the day. We went out to OUAC for a little bit yesterday morning. I found a cute puppy blanket (Gymbo!) for Baby Brother for $1.50! Can't beat that! I also got Natalie a leash for $3.50 and she actually loves it and wants to wear it all the time. We came home and had lunch then the kids went down for rest. When they got up we walked to the store so I could get stuff to make dinner. That was a mistake on my part. Even though it was only a few blocks away my back was killing me when we got back.

My parents picked up the kids for dinner and took them to the park so I had some time to hang out on my own which was awesome and so appreciated. It had been a long day of Timmy peeing in the yard, peeing in his pants, going outside to pee rather than peeing in the bathroom, and other potty-training adventures.

The kids went to bed really well even though they were hyper from being out with Grandma and Grandpa. They both coughed a lot on and off all night though, poor kids. Nat was up around 5 coughing her little head off so I got her a sippy of ice water and that seemed to help.

Today our plans are NOTHING. We are not leaving the house. We are staying here, enjoying the beautiful weather, watching some shows, and taking it easy. We're almost halfway done!

Timmyism #10 The Poop Edition

[one] "I'm pooping butterflies!" Said while *finally* pooping (the tiniest little poop) on the potty.

[two] He has been obsessed with pretending to be a dog lately. This includes doing his potties outside. He finds a pile of dog poop and pees on it. Awesome.

[three] Everything is poop lately. "Mommy are you pooping?" Asked while I'm standing in the kitchen. Yes, Timmy; I'm pooping in the kitchen.

Natalie-ism #1

Natalie has been talking up a storm lately, so I figured it's time for her to get her own "ism" post!

[one] Tonight I was rocking Natalie at bedtime and she started doing a weird little spit followed by "ha ha ha" all breathy-like. She did this about six times then said, "Bye bye!" It was then that I realized she was doing Biz's Beat of the Day.

[two] We went to the park a few days ago. Natalie is such a free-spirit and loves to swing. In words that only a little girl can use, I learned why she loves to swing so much. "Clouds! Clouds! Clouds!" She would reach up high and say "clouds" over and over again. My sweet baby girl was trying to reach the sky! She also started singing Laurie Berkner's song "In the Clouds" while reaching high. She could have sat in that swing all day. Dream big, Baby Girl!

[three] Her life revolves around Yo! Gabba Gabba, if you haven't caught on yet. She and Timmy will sit for several minutes and sing together, "Bite bite bite?" Then the other will reply, "No no no!" "Chomp chomp chomp?" "Yes yes yes!" They do this over and over again. Too bad neither of them have learned from that song that we do not bite our friends...or parents for that matter.

Timmyism #9 Sunday Night Edition

[one] The kids are really into Jack's Big Music Show right now and they play a lot of Laurie Berkner videos. One of the songs she does is called In The Clouds and while watching this video Timmy told me, "I want to play in the clouds, Mommy!" So the other night when the kids were having a bath, I put in a lot of bubbles and told him that he was playing in clouds. This thrilled him.

[two] Our cat Abbey has the tendency to puke if she eats too much or too fast, so one morning last week when I got up and came downstairs, Timmy told me about how Abbey puked and he didn't want to eat the cat puke. EW.

[three] Timmy has been into telling "jokes" and making people laugh. During lunch one afternoon last week he suddenly started saying, "Natalie is a banana!" And the two of them would laugh hysterically. Then he said, "Mommy, you're a...PIANO!" Oh boy, I've got a funny little guy on my hands! At least he thinks so!

28 weeks!

I had my 28 week appointment this morning. Baby's hb was 146 and he was wiggling all over. He appears to be head down now and I hope he stays that way! I'm measuring right on still, so woo hoo!! Perhaps we have a normal-sized baby still baking in there! I asked Dr. VS about the bleeding I had earlier this week and he said it was most likely caused by the coughing and the pressure on my lady bits. The spotting is completely gone now, so yay!

I also saw the PA at my regular doctor's office yesterday about my cough. She said my lungs were clear and it's just coughing left over from bronchitis. She put me on Z-Pak and also told me take Sudafed (I got Walgreens brand...totally forgetting that we already had some at home...DOH!). I also picked up some iron pills and now I feel good and drugged. So far no change in my coughin, but hopefully soon.

I can't believe I'm getting so much closer to having this boy!! I can't wait to see his sweet little face.

Timmyism #8

Oh that boy of mine! Some of the things that come out of his mouth are downright hilarious!

I thought it would be a good time to share some of these funny moments and lighten up the mood of my blog and remind me of just what a silly little boy I have.

[one] We went to see Chris's family for Easter and Timmy picked up on the fact that his cousins call his daddy "Uncle Chris." All week now, on and off, Timmy has been calling his daddy Uncle Chris.

Last night at dinner Timmy was doing his random rambles and at one point said to Chris, "You're Uncle Chris!" Then he turned to me and said, "And you're Uncle Mommy!"

[two] I don't have a specific example, but some of his most commonly used phrases lately have been "for a moment" and "is that a great idea?" Like if he is snuggling with one of us and we say we need to get up to do something, he says, "I think I will just sit here for a moment." Or if there is something he really wants to do, like go outside and play, he will tell us how it will be - "I'm gonna go outside and play with Wriley and drive the black car. Is that a great idea?"

[three] He also has his "words" that he uses all of the time. Awesome and cool are two of them. "Is that awesome, Mommy?" "This is a cool car! Is this a cool car, Mommy?"

[four] Everyone is his best friend lately. "Natalie is my best friend!" "Mommy, are you my best friend?"

[five] During rest time, he takes off his pants and snuggles with them.

[six] Super Super Super Duper. Timmy is Super Super Super Duper Bigger than Natalie.

What to do?

Now that I have totally gotten everything out and ranted and vented how I have been feeling, I need to figure out what I can do to change the things in my life that are really weighing me down.

First, in regards to being sick, I can go to the doctor. I have an appointment at 2 (conveniently during rest time) so hopefully they can give me something to help my cough. Once I start feeling better physically, maybe some of the other things in my life will start to improve - mainly my lack of energy. If I had even 50% more energy things would be better around here. I can't even walk up and down the stairs without getting winded and wanting to lay down for awhile.

Second, with the worry about my bleeding (which is gone today, yay!) I can see my ob. I have my 28 week appointment tomorrow morning. I can also talk to him about how I've been feeling and see what I can do during pregnancy to help with anxiety and possible depression. This is how I was feeling during the last few weeks that I was pregnant with Natalie. Most of my blog entries from July and August 2009 are about anxiety. After she was born those feelings didn't go away and I was put on Paxil without much research from myself and that ended up being one of the worst experiences in my life. I will never again go on Paxil and I will never again go on an anxiety or depression med without researching it first. I do worry about getting PPD again.

As far as Timmy goes, I'll keep pushing forward and just take things one minute at a time sometimes. Some days are and will be better than others and when those "other" days are here and I feel so lousy to begin with, it sure doesn't make dealing with Timmy any easier.

And it sure would be nice to see some SUNSHINE around here! I know that will help for sure! As much as I love rainy days, the last month has been raining and I am OVER IT. I am especially over it for my "neighbors" to the south. The tornado outbreak over the last week has been devastating to say the least. My thoughts and prayers are with everyone dealing with the aftermath.

Today is a new day and it's up to me how I will make it.

One Week Later

I am so ready to throw in the towel and say screw this whole "peaceful" parenting approach. It seemed to do well for a couple days but Timmy is not responding to anything anymore. He is terrible. I absolutely hate the way I am feeling about my son right now.

He is so aggressive. He is mean-spirited, foul-mouthed, and rude. He hits and pushes for no reason and isn't even prompted to do so by something that is bugging him. He is possessive over everything and is very bossy and pushy and doesn't hesitate to hit or bite if things aren't going his way. Yes, I am well-aware that these are typical characteristics of a three year old.

I am exhausted. I have had a chronic cough for the last two weeks and can barely breathe at times. My mother is still in the hospital with no ETA of her being able to go home. I finally broke down and called her on Monday. It took a lot out of me just to do that. I feel guilty for the ways I am feeling about my mother as well as my son. I feel guilty for feeling guilty. I feel guilty for not taking care of myself while I am pregnant but what it all boils down to is that I just don't care right now. I feel like I give and give and try and try with my family and don't ever see anything positive come from it. I also hate feeling like my struggles aren't as important as my mom's or my sister's because I'm not in the hospital or going for tests and I hate feeling like they might think that my struggles are pathetic and worthless compared to what they have going on. Which once again leads me to feeling even more guilty and worthless.

I have no energy. I want so badly to be able to do all the fun things with my kids that I see people on FB posting about doing with their kids. I see everyone posting about how they went on a fun trip or cruise and can't help but feel jealous that they get to do something fun and exciting while I am home just trying to muster up the energy to go to the bathroom. I see a lot of people posting about how happy they are and how much they love their life when all I want to do is run away from mine. I don't want to take away from their happiness; I am glad that my friends and family are happy and enjoying life. I just wish I could be like them. I wish I even had it in me to take my kids to the park or even just go in the back yard with them but I can't. I do not have the energy to chase and entertain my kids right now.

Last night I started bleeding - quite heavily at first. I thought for sure this was it. Being only 28 weeks pregnant I should have immediately gone to the ER to make sure everything was okay. I laid down for awhile and was still feeling the baby wiggling around like crazy, so I knew that he was okay. I wasn't having any contractions or major cramping, so I decided to wait it out over night. Today the bleeding has turned brown and is very light, just spotting now. I still feel him moving all of the time, so my guess is I've been coughing too much and too stressed out and popped a blood vessel or something. I have an appointment on Friday so unless I start bleeding heavily again I am going ot wait it out. I do fully expect him to scold me for not going to the ER, but the running theme of this entire blog is "I DON'T CARE."

I totally lost it on Timmy today and yelled at him. I made it a week without yelling at him though so that is pretty good. I haven't left my house since Sunday, aside from going to Jimmy Johns a couple days ago. I have cabin fever just as much as the kids do, but I am too scared to do anything too active for fear of bleeding again and I really don't have it in me to take the kids anywhere by myself anymore. It's too much for me.

I can see all of you parents of more than two kids shaking your heads at me. I know, I'm letting you down. If you can do it, why can't I?

A day in the life of me...

Today I am chronically my day with the kids. Yesterday was one of the worst days I've ever had as a parent and I know a huge part of it had to do with my own attitude. Timmy is so difficult to parent right now. He's THREE and being THREE is very different than being two. Today my goal is to not raise my voice with the kids at all and to use positive reinforcement with Timmy to see if it helps his attitude and behavior at all. So let's start our day!

8am-8:30am: I get up, shower, get dressed, and pick out clothes for the kids. Normally I pick their clothes out the night before so that if Chris gets them dressed he doesn't have to dig around. We were out last night, so I totally forgot.

8:30am: First battle of the day. I come downstairs and greet the kids as cheerfully as possible. I sit down on the sofa which is apparently not allowed with Timmy. He immediately throws himself on the floor in a tantrum, yelling at me that he wants to play cars RIGHT THERE. I take a deep breath and explain to him as gently as possible that the sofa and chairs are for everyone to sit in and if he would like to play cars there, he needs to ask me nicely. It takes about three minutes of trying to get him to say a full sentence with the word please, but eventually he does say, "Mommy could you move please? I want to play cars there." So I say, "Yes, I will move. Thank you for using your manners and asking me nicely."

8:35am: I get Natalie changed and dressed, managing to get poop all over my hands and the wipes box. TMI perhaps, but her poop smells a lot like vomit today. Speaking of vomit...will...not...vomit...I do love being pregnant!

8:38am: Battle number two. "I don't want to get dressed!" I tell Timmy, "You may play with your cars while I get Natalie dressed and when I am done, we'll get you dressed and then we can have cereal for breakfast." Which leads to battle number three. "I don't want cereal! I want Cinnamon Cheerios!" Oh yes, the literal age of THREE. "Yes, Timmy. You may have a bowl of Cheerios after you are dressed. Sound like a plan?" "Yes, Mommy. That sounds like a plan."

8:40am: Repeat the getting dressed argument.

8:41am: Timmy happily comes and lets me help him get dressed after I remind him that he can have Cinnamon Cheerios. Crisis averted. I praise him for listening and obeying and letting me help him get dressed. He beams.

8:45am-9am: Kids sit down for breakfast. Timmy asks very nicely for his cereal...erm...Cinnamon Cheerios...and Natalie says, "Bwayse!" They eat happily while I unload the dishwasher and put the dishes away. The "MINE" fight starts but I've decided to pick my battles today. It's already going to be a challenge for me to not instantly yell at them for every little thing they do. The funny thing about the "mine" fight is that Natalie starts it by saying, "MINE!" even though she has no idea what she's claiming is hers. Timmy has no idea either, but it's quite obvious that whatever Natalie thinks is hers is in fact his, so he needs to yell back, "MINE!" which Natalie thinks is absolutely hilarious, so while Timmy is getting upset, she is laughing her little head off and continues to yell, "MINE!" while Timmy cries and yells, "No, MINE!" even though he has no idea either what exactly is "his." Eventually they give up. Timmy very nicely asks for another bowl of cereal with no prompting to use manners, so I thank him for using his manners and get him another bowl of cereal. He gets up and eats the Cheerios on Natalie's tray. I remind him that they are not his Cheerios and that he needs to eat his own bowl of cereal. I thank him for sitting down.

9:00am: I make coffee. This is one of Timmy's favorite parts of the morning because he likes to "help" me make coffee. This involves him helping me pour a couple scoops of coffee into the filter. Then comes his favorite part - the cinnamon! This kid loves Cinnamon if you haven't caught on yet. He always holds his hand out and says, "Can I have some on my hand?" So I pour a little bit in his hand and he goes to town licking the spice. He does this for any spice - pepper, salt, cumin, chili powder, red pepper flakes...

9:05am: "Mommy, can I watch Boats Mighty Machines please?" We'll tackle the amount of TV we watch another day...Remember, I'm picking my battles today...

9:15am: Timmy pushes Natalie out of his way while playing with his cars. He then tries to take her dinosaur. I gently remind him that it is not nice to push his sister, etc, and that he needs to give back the dinosaur because she was playing with it. He starts to whine and argue, so I remind him that if he can't apologize to Natalie and give her back the dinosaur he will end up in a time out for misbehaving. He says he's sorry and I praise him for listening.

9:20am: He starts harrassing the dog. Repeat the conversation we just had.

9:30am: Suggest that he goes upstairs to go potty. Timmy claims he doesn't have to go. I will give him one more chance before I have to take him up there myself.

9:45am: Remind Timmy about the bathroom. Instead, he climbs under a sofa cushion and hides. Which leads me to the first moment that I pause and save this as a draft before I update again later.

9:50am-11am: Writing this ahead of time - hopefully there will be no major events. The kids will play and watch Boats Mighty Machines while I enjoy a cup of coffee and try to catch up on JM for a few minutes. So far Natalie has played on the Bouncy Brobee, tried to steal my coffee, and drew in my Canon book. Timmy has pushed Natalie once more and then asked me to tuck him in under the sofa cushion. Natalie now has the Jacks and is happily carrying them around the house.

UPDATE at 12:00pm: The rest of the morning went very well overall. Timmy had another accident like yesterday, but not a bad one. He waits too long to go to the bathroom now and short of me physically carrying him to the bathroom, which is not easy for me to do right now, all I can do is remind him constantly and try to take him up there myself. I did finally get him to go but by the time we got there he had already gone a little bit. He and Natalie played really well for awhile and did a lot of spinning and dancing in the dining room. Timmy obsessed over how Wriley poops in the yard and then tried to check Natalie's diaper for poop and in the process stripped her down to her onesie. She didn't mind. She was actually mad that she still had the onesie on.

We had hot dogs and peaches for lunch. I know, so healthy. They were happy though. I tucked Natalie in with her minions and got Timmy ready for rest time, where he is now. The camera battery was close to dead, so it is charging right now. My plan for after rest time is to do some crafts with them. I have an egg magnet project for them to do for Easter so I really hope they'll be into that. If I'm feeling daring, I may get some finger paints out. We shall see!

UPDATE: 6:00pm
This afternoon was awesome! The last two days Timmy and Natalie could not sync up their naps and today they slept at the same time and Natalie even slept til almost 4pm! This could be bad for tonight though. Timmy especially doesn't go to bed well if he's napped during the day.

While Timmy and I were waiting for Natalie to get up from her nap, I discovered that Timmy can open our windows. He opened them up and had a conversation with one of our neighbors, Mr. Dave. A few minutes later, Mr. Dave come to our door and brought Timmy a really neat wooden truck with a notepad on the back. Definitely old school and something we'll have to take very good care of.

After Natalie woke up, I set the kids up with some stickers. Natalie made some foam Easter eggs while Timmy played with his stickers from Aunt Dee. Then I got daring and let them finger paint. They fingered painted for about 15 minutes before they started painting on themselves so up to the tub we went. The kids had a blast in the tub and once again, I got daring and let them play with those Crayola color bubbles that supposedly leave stains. They do stain the skin if you don't scrub it off. I don't think we'll be using them any other time except in tub or maybe out in the grass under the sprinkler.

I let Timmy play in the tub for quite some time while Natalie watched a Babba and I put away a basket of laundry. By that time it was a little after 5 and Chris got home from work. Now Timmy is out in the back yard with Wriley, Chris is cooking dinner, Natalie is wandering around, and I am updating this blog!

LAST UPDATE: 9:00pm
Timmy tried to throw a fit during dinner and first refused to pray with us and then he refused to eat. We prayed without him and calmly went on eating. I finally explained to him that he could be a good boy, say his prayers, and eat with us or he could choose to be naughty and disobey and sit in time out. He thought for a moment, grabbed my hand and said his prayers. I explained the same thing to him, quietly while hugging him, to get him to eat. Then we had a noodle eating contest.

He was able to play outside for awhile after dinner too and did well going to bed until Chris came downstairs. We're actually still trying to get him to go to bed nicely, but I expected this since he did nap this afternoon.

So...overall...HUGE improvement over yesterday and I didn't raise my voice at all today! I did my very best to give him options when possible, I let him know that everything was HIS decision (he could choose to be a good boy or be naughty) and praised him as much as I could for doing really nice things like sharing, using his manners, and obeying.

Was today perfect? Not by any means. He's still THREE. But I must say that so far these changes have been for the better!

Debbie Downer.

Allow me to vent for a bit. It is my blog after all - it doesn't always have to be about rainbows and sunshine.

When I was pregnant with Natalie, my mom was in and out of the hospital for severe depression several times. After she was born, my mom did really well for a very long time. Now I'm pregnant again and it seems we're back to the hospital trips. I'm pretty sure I am the most heartless person because right now I just. don't. care. I have spent my entire life dealing with this. Having a mother who suffers from depression, suicidal thoughts, has borderline personality among other things, and on top of it can be overly religious and assume I'm going to Hell for no apparent reason can really weigh on someone after awhile. So yeah, I'm not gonna pretend to care deeply when right at this moment I don't. When one gets their first job, the first words out of your mother's mouth shouldn't be asking for money. I still find it hard to believe that I gave my mother $75 out of my paycheck for nearly a year. For what? I didn't live with her. I was technically an adult. She made it seem like it was reparation for the years she spent raising me and spending her money on me. I was so incredibly brainwashed. So there we go. Right now I don't care.

Three is the most suckiest age I've had to deal with so far. I spent a lot of my day crying because I feel like the most worthless parent with the brattiest kid on the face of the earth.

Last week Chris was in Florida for work. Next month he is going to Arizona for work. Me? I'm stuck at home with the kids just like always except during these times I get no break. I sit and hear Timmy cry for Daddy and I know that if I were gone he wouldn't even bat an eye. I am pretty sure my three-year old hates me and I don't blame him. I'm not very nice these days. I am worn out and exhausted and in so much crampy, uncomfortable pain all the time now. I can't chase these kids. Even taking them outside to play is really tough on me. And for real, if I get any comparisons to your pregnancies or to how I'm "not as big as you" so that I shouldn't feel this way, screw you. Seriously.

Anyway, it just really sucks that he gets to travel and do something different while I am stuck at home being "just the mom." I know it's for work so it's not like he's going and leaving me behind because he's a jerk and I know he'll have things to do that aren't always fun, but I'm still jealous because at least he gets to do it kid free and somewhere where it isn't snowing in April. He says he wants to send me away for a couple days before Baby Boy is born, but really...what is there for me to do in my third trimester of pregnancy when even walking up a flight of stairs leaves me winded? What I really want is for him to take the kids somewhere and let me sit in my own house by myself for awhile. Now that would be a nice vacation. I'd love to go sit on a beach somewhere, but right now the idea of sitting on a beach in a bathing suit with my fat belly hanging out is not very thrilling.

So that's that. By the way, rumor has it that my mom will be getting the internet. So...there goes the one place I was mom-free.

ETA: One more thing. Stop trying to save my soul from Hell just because I go to Mars Hill or because I happen to support Rob Bell. I don't necessarily agree with everything he has to say, but I support him and what he is doing. You're welcome to believe the way you want to believe and I am welcome to believe the way I want to believe. You will be wasting your time trying to get me to believe any differently. In fact, the more you try to "witness" to me, the more likely I am to say Screw God in general. When you're greeted by your mother with accusations about a book she hasn't even read regarding your soul and hell, it isn't very pleasant. When you're told to believe a certain way about a book someone hasn't even read, it does nothing but piss me off. You know what? I haven't even finished the book yet so LEAVE ME ALONE. I have heard my pastor speak on his book more than once and his ideas aren't new to the people who have been attending his church for several years. By the way, he never stated any of his ideas as FACT. In fact, they aren't even all his ideas - these theories have been around for years and years. If you're going to read the book with the only intention to prove this man wrong, don't waste your time. Thanks. It's a BOOK. Get over it.

Can't believe I haven't announced...

That we are having a baby BOY! Pretty much everyone knows this by now considering we found out on March 4, but I totally forgot to make an official announcement on my blog! Our ultrasound was great; everything looked good with Baby Boy and he measured right on, so we are still set with a due date of July 18.

We have finally settled on a name, but like always his name will remain a secret until he is born...muwahahaa! I can't wait to see his handsome little face and snuggle him.

Happy Belated Birthday, Timmy!

I've been pretty lazy with blogging again lately. Terrible, I know!

Back on March 13, my little Timothy Philip turned THREE! I can't believe it's already been this long since the little guy was born. He is very much a first-born child in the sense of needing his own attention, liking things to be his way, and trying to take care of others.

He is so incredibly smart, especially when it comes to his vocabulary, speaking, and use of the English language. He speaks more grammatically correct than most adults do. He naturally knows to add "ly" to make words adverbs and he uses large words correctly - words we didn't even know he knew. He recognizes most of the capital letters now and is working on his lowercase letters. He is learning to sound out words and can usually tell you what a letter is by it's sound. We have WordWorld to thank for this!

He is really into music and singing and got a drum set for his birthday. He will sing songs he knows, songs he makes up, and songs that don't make sense. Music is in his blood. That is about where his artistic ability ends. He has no interest whatsoever in coloring or drawing.

We're in the process of potty training Timmy. He is doing really well when it comes to peeing in the potty but he has some kind of mental block when it comes to doing poos in the potty. He will poop in his underwear and it doesn't even phase him. It's very frustrating!

Timmy is a kid of routine. If there's even one thing off in his day, the rest of the day is messed up. He is trying to give up his naps, but will probably sleep 2-4 days a week still - which he needs because he is unbearable if he doesn't sleep!

He has started the "monsters in my room" phase and also says that lions, flamingos, and cement mixers visit him in his room at night. Some nights he sleeps really well and other nights he's up for awhile, scared of the monsters in his room.

His favorite shows to watch are Mighty Machine DVDs, WordWorld, Yo Gabba Gabba, Fresh Beat Band, and his favorite movie is Madagascar. Playing with his cars and trucks is still his favorite thing to do whether he is inside or outside. He loves to play outside even when it's 10 degrees outside.

He's still a Daddy's Boy but loves his Mommy very much too - but no one beats his grandparents, especially his grandpas. Natalie is his best friend and his worst nightmare. The two of them are inseparable though they tend to fight most of the time when they are tired. He loves to copy her and follow her around and she loves to try and play with his toys with him.

Three is way worse than two when it comes to his attitude and meltdowns. He will flip out over things that are very simple and trivial to adults but to him it is the end of the world. For example, if his banana is cut in half he throws a tantrum. We have to pick our battles with him or every day happenings, like bath time, can be an absolute mess.

Despite all of this, he is still a sweet, loving little boy who can't get enough hugs and smoochies and must be tucked in several times during his rest time and at bedtime. He doesn't hesitate to tell someone he loves them and is very friendly and likes to introduce himself to people - he just forgets to ask for their name!

Happy #3, my sweet baby boy!

Natalie at 17 Months

I've done a lot of Timmy posts lately, so I think it's time for a Natalie themed post. She's growing up so quickly and is so clever and funny.

She is definitely more of a thinker than a talker, but she is starting to say some new words. I've been trying to think of all the words she can say and some that pop out to me are: mama, dada, grandma, grandpa, jump, shake, dog, brother, baby, baba (yo gabba gabba, haha), brobee, timmy, love you...though most of these words don't sound like what they are supposed to sound like. Timmy started out as may-may but is now bay-bay.

She is a CLIMBER. This girl will climb anything and she's good at it too. She does get hurt a lot, but it's not usually from climbing. She has busted her lip open a couple times in the last few days, but it was from falling off the bed while she was climbing down the right way!

Natalie is a lover. She is so affectionate and loves to surprise people with hugs and kisses. She loves to wear tutus and skirts and hats but also loves to strip all of her clothes off. When I went to pick her up from Baby Bay yesterday, she was halfway out of her dress. She's also really catching on to dressing herself. She can get shirts on over her head but needs help with the sleeves and she can pull her pants on but needs help pulling them up. She hates socks and always pulls them off so even though it's winter, she is usually barefoot.

She's an eater! She will eat just about anything you put in front of her and she eats a lot at one time. She loves food! Right now she is not picky at all, unlike her big brother who won't touch most food.

She rarely smiles for pictures so most people assume she is very serious - which she can be - but she is quite the little comedienne. She is goofy and loves to babble these long stories complete with facial expressions and her hands flying everywhere to make a point. She is very expressive and emotional.

She has an attitude already, though, and is quickly approaching the terrible twos. She has thrown tantrums and gets very mad when things don't go how she wants. She screeches and whines with the best of 'em.

As far as hobbies go, this little girl is going to be an artist. She loves to color and draw and will sit with a pen and a piece of paper for an hour. She doesn't just color or draw though; she holds the pen properly and does tiny, intricate little circles and shapes and scribbles.

But most of all, she loves her Babba. Yo! Gabba Gabba is her life. She eats, sleeps, and breathes this show. Never interrupt her while Babba is on and never take away one of her best Babba stuffed friends. She deserves to be on the show as one of the dancing kids.

Envy.

I have spent so much of my life being envious of other people. Other people have more friends, are prettier, wear nicer clothes, drive better cars, live in bigger houses, are more popular, are more successful, have cameras I want...but tonight I came to the realization that there is so much that other people might be envious of me for and I am totally blowing it off and taking it all for granted.

One thing might be my husband. Maybe not Chris specifically, but maybe that I am in a very loving, long-lasting relationship with a man that has always treated me better than I deserve. He's an awesome husband and an awesome daddy and I've been blessed to have been with him for almost ten years. Some people dream of finding that perfect someone and never find it, or maybe they found it but it didn't last.

Another thing - and this is a biggy - is my children. I've been blessed with not just one child, but two children, the "perfect" boy followed by a girl, and despite being a surprise, a third baby on the way. I'm realizing that as I'm finding myself losing it with my kids several times a day, there are women who long to be able to yell at their kids and go through the exhaustion and sickness of pregnancy. Some women never experience being a mother to a little boy and I have one and others never experience being a mother to a little girl, and I have one of those too. Some women never experience being a mother at all and it's all they ever dream of being and here I am complaining to myself that I threw up yet again just from changing a diaper.

So while I may not be as smart, pretty, confident, popular, or successful as some women, I have a pretty awesome life and the most amazing family anyone could ask for and I need to buck up and quit complaining so much about the little annoyances that I deal with on a regular basis. It's time to stop thinking the grass is greener elsewhere and enjoy the snow-covered grass I have right in my own backyard.

Timmyism #7 (and beyond)

As I type this, Timmy is sitting in the chair next to me absolutely annoying the crap out of me. He is supposed to be napping right now and instead of napping he is bouncing off the walls, wired on some sort of Kid Juice. He didn't fall asleep 'til around 10pm last night (too much excitement outside) and was up at 4am coughing and wide awake as can be. Natalie is napping and Timmy will not stop talking, fake-hiccuping and coughing, and making animal noises. Why is it when I specifically ask him to the quiet for rest time he is louder than when it's okay for him to be up and around and playing!?

Anyway, he's still full of silly things to say, so I thought I'd share some again.

[one] Last night while we were putting laundry away, Timmy found his toy phone and had a conversation after I told him his phone was ringing:

"Hello? Who dere? No thank you. I need a pizza. Yeah I want pepperoni. Okay. Bye."

He gets done ordering his pizza and goes into our room to pick it up and brings back his imaginary pizza to share with us.

[two] This last week he has been really been lovin' on his sister. They walk through the house together holding hands and Timmy says he is taking her for a walk to go visit Daddy. He tries to pick her up and carry her and hugs her to the point that she gets upset. Of course, this is in between all the hitting, pushing, and biting.

Timmyism #6 (and more)

The Boy has been absolutely cracking us up lately! He says some of the funniest, most off-the-wall stuff sometimes. Sometimes what he says isn't funny, but how he says it is what makes us laugh.

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The other night we were having a very healthy Arby's dinner and some meat fell off of Timmy's sandwich. He picked up the meat and said, "Holy meat!"

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He and Natalie spent the night with Grandma and Grandpa C the other night and after we picked them up, all the way home Timmy kept talking about how he saw a tractor and it was beepin'. He's at the age where he repeats everything and even if you respond, he still keeps saying it. He kept saying, "It was beepin'. The tractor was beepin'. Something was beepin'. It was beepin'. It was beepin'."

Chris and I were trying to ignore him since we had already responded to this several times, but when Timmy said, "It was beepin'. Hoooooly beepin'," I totally lost it. I had tears rolling down my face from laughing so hard.

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Yesterday, I took Timmy with me to pick up their new car seats and Pink Floyd was on the radio.

"We love Pink Floyd!" I said to Timmy.

"I like Floyd. He's pink," Timmy replied. Goof.

On a related note, I taught Timmy how to say, "If you don't eat your meat you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?"

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There have been many other funny things that Timmy has said recently, but I can't think of them at the moment. I do know that at dinner last night I said something and he responed with, "Whhhhhhaaaaaaaaaat?"

Lots of Randoms

[one] This has been...a week...

The week started off with Timmy just having the worst attitude ever! Last week he ran a high fever for about three days straight and then it went away as quickly as it came. He had no other symptoms with the fever - just the fever. We suspect his attutide might have been him still not feeling great. He would cry over every little thing and was argumentative, cranky, and naughty.

The last couple of days have been better with him, aside from him stealing candy for breakfast yesterday and losing his outside to play privileges. We are so worn out on his overall attitude and lack of sleep and are so ready for a break...which leads me to....

[two] We get to go away!

Chris has a meeting or a reception or something random that is work-related going on in Detroit tomorrow night and we worked it out so that I could go with him! We will stay in a hotel overnight and come back on Saturday. Huge thank yous to Grandpa and Grandma C for taking the kiddos for us! They are excited, especially Timmy. He can't wait to go sledding with Grandma.

[three] Hyperthyroidism

I have been in the process of finally getting an answer to my bizarro pregnancy symptoms that go beyond the morning sickness and fatigue that most people suffer while pregnant.

In all three pregnancies I have experienced a significant weight loss of around 20 pounds each time - and this time has been even more than 20. I am extremely short of breath even if I just stand for more than a minute. I can walk across the room and feel like I am going to pass out, and at times I get very dizzy. Showering is the worst. I'm not sure if it's the heat from the water or the fact that I stand for so long while showering, but I get really dizzy and short of breath during my showers. Another issue I have is itching. I thought I was having a dry skin problem, but this was all over itching that couldn't be tamed even if I lathered on the lotion. This is intense itching that can bring me to tears if it keeps going on. There's also the TMI issue of having the poos nonstop all through my pregnancies. And don't even get me started on the fatigue! I've mentioned before that I feel like I can't get enough sleep and I sleep like the dead - it's just ridiculous how much exhaustion consumes me sometimes and for no reason at all.

So I talked to my ob about it at my last appointment and he sent me for some labwork. My TSH came back at 0.06 which is a sign of Hyperthyroidism - something that causes all of these symptoms - all of the symptoms that Dr. Uh Oh never paid attention to and would respond, "That's weird," when I'd tell her about them. I went back a couple days ago to have get a T4 test done. I'm still waiting for the results on that.

I'm really hoping to finally have an answer to all of my troubles and hopefully something can be done to lessen the symptoms. Don't get me wrong, I could stand to lose a few pounds - but not while I'm pregnant!

Timmy the Terrible

I feel like I'm at a loss as to what to do with Timmy. This kid has no middle-ground. He is either really well-behaved, sweet, and charming or he is the exact opposite - words I don't ever want to use to describe my little boy.

When he's good he's a dream child. He plays well on his own, he uses manners, and he's friendly and sociable. He says clever and witty things and no one believes me that he can be an unholy terror.

Then there's how he's acted lately - nonstop whining, crying, yelling, spitting, arguing, interrupting, loud, and obnoxious. He's rude and sneaky. Tonight he cried over every little thing - he wanted Daddy to read a book, not Mommy, he didn't want to wear a bib, Natalie touched his toys. Normally I'd write it off as him being tired from not napping, but he took a good nap today.

Night time is terrible right now and I'm not much help. I feel so bad that I am useless at night, but pregnancy is exhausting and I physically sleep like the dead right now. When I'm not pregnant I have a much easier time getting up to help in the night and in the morning, but right now I feel paralyzed if I wake up in the night and I'm pretty much half-asleep trying to function.

Timmy has nights where he refuses to go to sleep. Thankfully it's not every night, but on the nights when he refuses it is such a pain because the first thing he does is climb into Natalie's crib and wake her up. We can usually get her to go right back to sleep, but if Timmy does this two or three times a night, it really messes both of their nights up.

Then, somewhere around very early morning, four or five, he gets up and climbs into bed with us. Some nights this isn't a big deal because he will either go right back to sleep or we can snuggle for a few minutes then tuck him back into his own bed with no issue - but the last few mornings have been hell. He comes into bed with us, tosses and turns, keeping us both up. We try to tuck him back into his bed, but instead he wakes Natalie up, either by talking very loudly or by climbing into the crib with her. We've tried gating him off and have a "fence" across his room, but he has figured out how to bypass that so it's rendered relatively useless.

So basically, we all get little to no sleep from about five til "morning." Well, I get more sleep than the others, but it's interrupted and not very peaceful. I am trying to be more helpful to Chris and am so grateful that he is the one that deals with this issue on a regular basis. I just wish we could all get a good night's sleep...even if it's just for one night.

Let the Fighting Begin!

Natalie has started getting a backbone with Timmy. Yesterday morning she started poking Timmy in the chest yelling, "No! No! No!" Then she pushed him. I don't condone either of my children being physical with each other, but she owes him about 500 pushes, smacks, and hair pulls.

After their naps yesterday, I told Timmy he could watch some Thomas Train. They were having their snack when Natalie said, "Baba!" (Yo! Gabba Gabba) Timmy said, "No, Natalie! We gonna watch Thomas Train!" She looked at hime and yelled, "NO! BABA!" This went on for nearly five minutes. I thought it was funny that they finally had their first verbal argument.

Another TMI Post

I told Chris this morning I wouldn't blog about this since he was disgusted by my other entry about puking. But over the course of the day, events have changed, so I am going to blog about it anyway because...well, sometimes it's too "good" to not blog about.

Our poor dog, Wriley, is sick. I have no idea what is going on with her. She did eat a couple of pizza crusts last night from our leftover dinner, but she has eaten scraps before and never had an issue - and she didn't eat that much.

She threw up three times this morning. It's just me and the kids, so I have to clean it up. As I'm cleaning up the first pile, I throw up...all over the puke. That's right, I puked on puke. Somehow I managed to clean up all the puke without puking again, the entire time Timmy is watching. I hate that he saw me throw up.

Wriley won't eat. She wouldn't eat her lunch. She's lazy every day, but today she is extra lazy. She still gets up when you call her, but she just lays around otherwise.

So, after all this laying around and not eating, she gets up and throws up again...twice. This time I'm smart. I puke in a bag while I clean up the dog vomit.

Yesterday was a good day. I didn't throw up at all!

I am seriously so sick of being sick! Happy thirteen weeks to me.

A Post About Puke

I'm sure you're all anxious to read this one, so I better get to it. Internet, this is my boy, Timmy. Kid is two, almost three, and at the stage where he really enjoys gross things. Boogers? Fun. Burping? Fun. Farting? Fun. Sticking fingers in poo? Fun. Chewing food then spitting it out? Fun. Every little detail of his life right now is gross and puke-worthy.

I really thought I was coming out of the morning sickness stage, but for the last two days every little thing that Timmy has done has literally made me vomit. Yesterday he chewed up some fruit bar then pulled it out of his mouth and tried to hand it to me. My reaction? I puked.

Today he had a doosy of a twosie. My reaction? I puked. Unfortunately, I was in the middle of changing his diaper and here is where it gets really gross - I swallowed it. It was either puke in the poop, then probably puke some more, or swallow it. I wasn't about to let a two-year old with a butt covered in poo run around the house while I was off vomiting.

Why am I telling you this story? Well, perhaps there is someone out there really wanting to get pregnant but really shouldn't have kids. Maybe hearing about the joys of puking while pregnant will serve as good birth control.

Seriously, I never puked this much or this long with either of my other pregnancies. I was not prepared for this. I better be giving birth to the world's most perfect baby for all the icky sickies this child is putting me through.

Fed up.

I am fed up. I'm just done. The last two days my anxiety is through the roof. I can see ppd settling in for a nice long stay after this baby arrives. I'll be back on Satan's Drug and end up fatter than before, ugly, and worthless. I can't stop yelling at the kids and it takes all I have in me to not raise a hand at them.

I'm not kidding. My skin is crawling with anxiety right now and any time either one of them come near I instantly push them away, physically, but I cannot handle touch right now. I am hungry, all the time, but I can't eat. First, I can't eat because most of the time anything that goes in my mouth tries to come right back out. Second, if I even get a chance to eat I have two little turds begging at me and crying at me for me to give them my food - even if I eat with them, Timmy grabs food from my plate. Eating is a waste of time because I don't get to actually eat when I try. It's pointless to even bother.

I can't drink water. This baby is going to come out weighing like three pounds and will be so malnourished because I can't drink water to keep hydrated. I'm going to end up with this baby taken away because I will be accused to not taking care of myself while pregnant, thus making my baby failure to thrive. When do I get the chance to take care of myself?

I am fed up with the climbing. Natalie will not stop climbing on things and then knocking things down and then falling down and whatever else she can manage to do. I figured the novelty of being able to climb would have worn off by now, but it's nowhere near being done.

I am fed up with not having anywhere to put any of my hobbies. If I want to crochet I have to keep all my stuff in the basement. There isn't even anywhere to put the kids coloring books or crayons unless we keep it in the basement. Basically, if it's in the basement it doesn't get used.

I am also fed up with the insane love of taking nice pictures that I have. If I didn't like taking pictures I wouldn't have the need for a DSLR and then I wouldn't have to be jealous of the people who have nice cameras. And I wouldn't be ashamed of the pictures I take.

I blame all of this on being hungry. If I could eat and get full, I think I'd be happier.

Internet, I'd like you to meet

Baby Tres!

I've been not blogging lately because I wanted to avoid spilling the beans until we were ready to tell.

Baby is a total surprise but very much welcomed. I am 11w 4d and still struggling with morning sickness on a pretty regular basis. I am showing already compared to taking forever to get a bump with Timmy and Natalie. And before anyone points it out to me, I am well aware of the fact that it isn't actually uterus that is showing. Thanks.

This pregnancy pretty much started out like my other pregnancies - precarious and scary. I tend to bleed a lot while pregnant. I have a new ob this time around who is a vast improvement over Dr. Uh Oh. I've been in for several ultrasounds already to try and find a cause for the bleeding and for the first time in three pregnancies I have an answer - a subchorionic hematoma. Basically that is a tear in the uterus that causes bleeding. It can cause miscarriage if it doesn't get reabsorbed or bled out. Thankfully, in my case, it bled out and at my last ultrasound there was no sign of the bleed. Whew!

I have an edd of july 21, 2011. Duh. I guess you didn't need the year as I am not an elephant. At this point I am just praying the morning sickness goes away soon.